


Careful What You Wish For.

by buckybuchanen



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 13 Going on 30 AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, M/M, Pop Culture, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, stucky au, this is kind of ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9041528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybuchanen/pseuds/buckybuchanen
Summary: When his 13th birthday party goes horribly wrong, Bucky wishes he was older. He wakes up 17 years later to find everything is completely different. 13 Going on 30 AU.





	1. 1999

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually quite ridiculous. I watched the movie for the 50th time in September and just couldn't get the idea out of my head. Eventually, i just had to write it.
> 
> there's slight ooc'ness because they had to fit the narrative but please don't let that deter you!
> 
> Unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes!

Today was the day.  

That’s right, _the day_. It was March 10th and Bucky was finally thirteen.  

Meet James Barnes. Although, he really preferred it if you called him Bucky. If he was called James, he’d scowl and correct the offender with a low, “it’s Bucky,” and that was that. And today was a special day for one Bucky Barnes, because he reached a new milestone in his life. He was glad he was finally a teenager. Now, he could do stuff his parents wouldn’t let him do before, like go to his best friend Steve’s house and come back at nine instead of eight. Or maybe he could stay up till eleven. He didn’t really know but he was ecstatic. It wasn’t everyday he turned thirteen, so he couldn’t wait to go home and have the birthday negotiation with his mom.  

Speaking of Steve, the boy was barreling down the hallway with a grin so wide, Bucky wondered if it hurt.  

Steve was different than Bucky in some ways. Yeah, they liked the same nerdy stuff and they were best friends (have been for _years_ ). However, while Bucky was tall and losing the baby face, Steve was as short as ever and so horribly scrawny. Bucky sometimes found himself wondering if Steve ever _ate_. 

“Bucky!” Steve called out as he shouldered past a random sixth grader, “Buck!”  

Buck grinned back and waved. He was glad to finally see Steve, since he didn’t seem him all day. He shoved his book inside and shut the locker and turned to Steve who’d yelled, “Happy birthday!” 

Bucky blushed. Steve could be a bit loud sometimes, and he felt kind of embarrassed but he was still endeared.  

“Thanks Stevie.” He replied, patting Steve on the back.  

“Ready for your birthday beats?” Steve asked, posed with two fists up.  

Bucky sighed, “hit me.”  

Steve started with the punches but was cut off halfway when Bucky noticed Nat, easily the most popular girl at his school walk past. She was walking with a bunch of other girls, all following her around. Bucky was sure he was at least just a tiny bit in love with her. In fact, he was staring at her so much he forgot all about Steve next to him, who was now trying to pathetically finish the birthday beats.  

“Nat!” He finally called out.  

_Please don’t ignore me. Actually ignore me, God, why did I do that?_ He thought nervously. He didn’t even know _why_ he was calling her over. 

She turned around, her ponytail swishing. She looked at him pointedly, looked at the girls next to her, and then decided to walk over.  

_Oh my God…_  

He barely noticed Steve frowning and rolling his eyes. As much as Steve told him that Nat was just a prissy brat, he actually couldn’t care less because it wasn’t true. She was beautiful, and smart, and she was looking right at him.  

“Hey, James. Did you call?”  

He tried to fight off his scowl. He hated when people called him James, but Bucky didn’t stick. In fact, the only person who did call him Bucky was Steve who was now sulking.  

“Yeah, hi! Uh, what’s up?” He asked, sounding a bit dumb.  

She smiled at him, her full lips coated with gloss he was sure her mother didn’t actually approve of. She pushed the two wisps framing her hair back and giggled, “not much, really. Just getting ready to go to French.” 

“Oh cool. Well… uh.” 

“Yeah.”  

He saw one of the girls snicker into her hand, and that’s when he heard himself say, “I’m having a party tonight. For my birthday. You’re invited. All of you are, if you want to come. It’s tonight at six.”  

_Frick!_  

He looked at Nat, who made a show of thinking about it, and turned to look at Steve who was now covering his face with his palm.  

“Well, we have that English report, and I don’t think I’ll have the time—” 

“I’ll do it. For you.”  

He thought he heard Steve groan, and he wanted to give his friend a birthday beat of his own.  

“Oh! Well, in that case. Sure. Text me the deets.”  

“Yeah, sure.”  

She walked away, the girls trailing behind her, and he sighed. He turned to Steve, who was now looking at him like had two heads. 

“What the heck was that?” Steve asked. 

“What?” Bucky asked, eyebrows furrowed.  

“Since when were you gonna have a party? I thought we were gonna watch Star Wars, and since it’s Friday, I was gonna sleep over. I rented the tape, dude.”  

Bucky frowned and shrugged, “plans change. I mean, we can still watch it when everyone leaves. But, it’s just a party. Plus, they’re the _cool_ kids, Stevie, and I’m kind of tired of being the nerdy wahoo, you know?”  

Steve frowned back, “okay, whatever. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

“Yeah. See you.” Bucky replied and watched as Steve walked away. 

Steve just didn’t understand that Bucky wanted to have more friends. In fact, he was probably jealous.  

The bell rang and Bucky ran outside, ready to bike home and tell his parents about the plan change.  

\-- 

His mother was confused whether to be happy or angry.  

He can see it in her face.  

When he told her, she was pissed off because honestly, _a party, Bucky, with no planning? When are we gonna buy decorations and a cake_ and blah, blah, blah. But also, she was pleased, because she thought Steve was his only friend and she was scared they were more than that, and no not in a million years, mom.  

So, he was stuck cleaning the house while she ran to Walmart to get a cake and some crappy decorations from Party City. He was so nervous and honestly, he wished Nat could come alone and maybe they can watch something and she’d tell him she was in love with him, and has been for the past decade even though he’s only known her for a year, and falling in love at the age of three? A stretch.  

Regardless, he had to make the house smell nice. He cleaned it up as best as he could, febrezed the hell out of it. His mother and he decorated the basement and when everything was done, he ran to his bedroom to get ready.  

He was sitting on the chair in front of his dresser, looking through the latest Poise magazine that his mom tried to throw away. His radio was playing some Britney Spears song, and he wasn’t ashamed to be singing along. His room was kind of a mess, with clothes everywhere and posters all up on the walls of various bands that he’d sell his soul to see live.  

He always fished for his mom’s magazines when she was done with them. He knew it was probably weird of him to want them, but whatever. He was interested in then, interested in the marketing, the writing, the tabloids, the drama, and the horoscope in the back (according to his, he was up for an adventure, but he knew it was all crap).  

He was reading the headliner, totally engrossed in it.  

_Thirty, Flirty and Thriving: How Your Thirties are the Best Years of your Life_ _by Jenna Rink_ _._  

He found himself eating it all up. Man, being thirty would be so cool. He imagined how his life would be at thirty. Maybe he’d have a penthouse. Or he’d be rich, with a hot girlfriend, or he’d work in some upscale place that gave him a good six-figure paycheck. He touched his belly. Maybe he’d have a six-pack. That would get him a girlfriend for sure.  

Someone knocked on his door and he immediately threw the magazine in a drawer, picked up his hair gel, and started spiking his hair to look busy.  

“Come in!” He called out.  

His mom walked in then, grinning at his mess of a hair.  

“Easy with the hair gel, you’ll look like your sister’s troll doll.” 

“ _Mom_ , I’m trying to look good.” He whined, smoothing his hair back. He was tired of looking like a nerd when his hair flopped forward.  

“I’m just saying, anymore and you’ll look like one of them. So, who’re you inviting.”  

“Steve.”  

His mother looking at him skeptically, “you’re throwing a party… for Steve?” 

He rolled his eyes, “well, not only Steve, obviously, I’m not stupid.” 

“Language. And quit that. You know I hate that.” 

He rolled his eyes again.  

“I can see your reflection, James.” 

“Fine. And it’s Bucky. Anyway, it’s just a bunch of kids from school, you don’t know them.”  

“Hm, okay. You guys aren’t gonna be too loud, are you? Rebecca’s gonna be sleeping.”  

He shook his head and messed with his hair some more, “no. We’ll be fine.”  

His mom gave him a look that was vaguely threatening and she walked out of his bedroom, only to groan when she saw Rebecca drawing on the wall. 

“I’d rather be dead than live like mom when I’m thirty,” he mumbled as he fixed his shirt. His mom was a stay-at-home mother, with two kids, and his dad worked a nine-to-five and was too tired to spend time with anyone. God forbid he’d end up like that.  

He really wanted that penthouse.  

\--- 

When the doorbell rang at five thirty he ran straight to the door, incredibly nervous (wow, she was early). His face, however, fell at the sight of his best friend standing there with a thin, rectangular box wrapped in wrapping paper, and a VHS tape. 

“Oh, hey, Stevie.” Bucky said, quickly smiling so he wouldn’t hurt his friend’s feelings.  

“Hey, Buck. Ready to party?” Steve asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Hell yeah. Come in, party’s downstairs. You’re early.” 

Steve grinned that really big grin of his that always made Bucky grin back, “yeah, well, can’t be late to my best friend’s party. I got Star Wars, too.” 

Bucky smiled, “nice! Put it next to the TV and meet me downstairs. Tell me how everything looks before they get here.”  

He went downstairs and made sure everything looked perfect. There were Pepsi cans enough for everybody, pizza, the cake was in the center (strawberry shortcake, _his favorite_ ), and there were party games all around. He even convinced his dad to move the Nintendo from upstairs to down in the basement so everyone can play.  

Steve finally made it down, still holding the box.  

“Whoa, you really outdid yourself, Bucky.”  

Bucky smiled, “thanks. I hope Nat likes it.” 

Steve frowned, “who cares if Sarah Michelle Geller likes it? It’s pretty good.” 

“I care,” Bucky retorted, “anyway, what you got there?”  

Steve looked down at the present, “oh, I was hoping you’d open it alone but if you want to open it now…” 

“Yeah, pass it, come on,” Bucky said with a smile. Steve passed the box over and Bucky carefully unwrapped it. He raised his eyebrows when he noticed it was not a box, but actually a frame. He turned it around and let out a low whistle when he saw what was in it.  

It was a drawing of him and Steve, pressed close together. They were smiling back at him, and Bucky could tell Steve worked hard on it because he’d been having trouble with realism for a while. It wasn’t photorealistic, but it was so good and it was so them.  

“Stevie… this is so sweet.” Bucky blushed and hugged the framed artwork close to him.  

“Yeah, I wanted to give you something, but I didn’t have money. I thought it’d be nice to draw you something.”  

He placed the frame on the table next to him and pulled Steve into a tight hug, “you’re honestly my best friend and I love you so much.”  

“Whoa, are we interrupting something here?”  

Bucky’s eyes widened and he shoved Steve away and looked up to see Nat, the girls that followed her, and two boys.  

_Frick!_  

“Oh, hey Nat, I was thanking, uh, Steve for his present.”  

“Oh.” Nat giggled as she went downstairs, “what kind of present?”  

“It’s a drawing,” Steve intervened. 

“I wasn’t asking _you_ ,” Nat snapped, “I was asking James.” 

“His name’s Bucky,” Steve objected, crossing his arms. He tried to make himself look taller. 

“Are you his lawyer or something?” One of the boys asked. Bucky guessed his name was Chris or something. He felt his cheeks redden as he turned to his best friend, “butt out, Steve.” 

“Yeah, _butt out_ , Steve.” Nat repeated with a smirk. 

Bucky felt kind of bad for treating his friend that way, but really. Steve could be so overbearing sometimes. Steve effectively stopped talking, not before throwing Bucky a hurt look.  

\-- 

It was half an hour into the party. The boys were playing with the Nintendo, and the girls were doing… whatever they were doing. Bucky didn’t really know. Steve went to his house to get something, and Bucky was glad. He kept looking like a kicked puppy.  

It was about to be his turn when Nat spoke up, “so, Bucky, do you have any booze?”  

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up, “I don’t think we’re allowed to do that.”  

Another girl, Tracy apparently, groaned, “we’re _bored_.”  

“What do you guys wanna do?”  

Tracy spoke up, “we can play a game.”  

“I have monopoly—” 

Nat giggled, “no, silly. A good game. Like… have you ever played 7 Minutes in Heaven?”  

Bucky’s cheeks reddened, “uh… No, actually.”  

The group of girls giggled. One of them spoke, “really? It’s really fun. We played it at our last party. Do you wanna go first?”  

Bucky swallowed. He wasn’t sure but… He guessed it wouldn’t hurt to try.  

“Um, okay. Yeah sure.”  

The girls stood up, dragged him away from the group of boys playing, and took him to the closet by the stairs. They all giggled as they blindfolded him with a scarf Nat was wearing.  

“So, do I just wait in there?” 

“Yeah,” one of them said. It was quiet until he heard Tracy’s voice in his ear, “I’m just letting you know, but Nat’s gonna go in there with you.”  

He smiled and nodded. He felt himself get pushed into the closet lightly and then everything was quiet.  

\-- 

He heard the door open. His breath got caught in his throat, and he could feel himself start to sweat.  

“I’ve been waiting for you.” He whispered as Natasha walked in.  

“Y-you have?” The voice replied. Although, it was much deeper than Natasha’s voice. And it sounded like…  

“Steve!” Bucky cried as he took off the blindfold. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“What? Everyone left and they told me you were in here—” 

Bucky gasped and stood up, “everyone _left?!”_  

“Y-Yeah—ow, hey, don’t shove me!”  

It was too late. Bucky shoved him out of the closet and started to pace, “fuck! Fuck! FUCK! This is the worst thing ever!” 

“What? No, it’s not, look, it’s gonna be fine.” Steve approached Bucky to pat him or hug him, but Bucky shoved him away.  

“You know what, Steve? This is all your fault.”  

“What?!” Steve looked so shocked, but Bucky wouldn’t have it.  

“This is all your fault. You never even liked Nat or any of them anyway. You’re just jealous. You’re clingy, and jealous, and this is all your fault!” 

“Bucky!” 

“No, that’s it. Get out of here, don’t talk to me!” Bucky roared. He grabbed the framed drawing and threw it on the ground at Steve’s feet. After that, he ran up to his room and collapsed on his bed and started to cry.  

Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep.  


	2. Amnesia?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more ridiculousness ensues. Still unbeta'd.

Bucky woke up with a dull pounding in his head. There was a loud alarm sound coming from somewhere, and he just wanted it to shut up. He groaned into his pillow and turned around, hand slapping away trying to find an alarm clock but to no avail. 

“What…” He mumbled. He cleared his throat. His voice was really low and it was probably just because of sleep.  

The alarm kept going and he finally cracked open his eyes, only to find himself in a completely different room.  

 _What the hell…_ He thought.  

Instead of his mess of a room, the room he was in was _pristine._ A huge king sized bed replaced his twin bed, and instead of Batman sheets, the sheets on this bed were cream. There was a huge dresser, along with a set of doors that could be his closet, along with another door that was probably a bathroom. There were no posters, no video games, no CDS, just this emptiness and it was so _weird._  

He blinked a couple of times, rubbing his eyes.  

The weird beeping noise was still going strong.  He turned to see what the source was only to stare, dumbfounded, at what he saw.  

It was a… small, rectangular, box? What the hell? And there was only one button? It was fairly large, maybe bigger than the size of his hand. He leaned over to hold it, staring at it with so much confusion.  

“James, could you turn that thing off?” A voice called, making him jump. His heart beat so hard in his chest and he was very close to an anxiety attack.  

The voice was a _woman’s_ voice, and certainly not his mother’s.  Hers was warm and familiar, and this one was just annoyed and belonged to a complete stranger.  

“Uh, yeah, sorry!” He called back, shocked to find that his voice was like an octave deeper than it was before.  

He decided to deal with one obstacle at a time. He fumbled with the box thing and found a stop option, so he pressed on that like an idiot, only to find that this screen responded to his _touch?!_ This was so not a Nokia.  

The godforsaken, annoying, unbearable noise stopped and he sighed in relief. He held the weird alarm clock in his hands, finally noticing how… manly they looked. They were quite large, veiny and they lead to large, muscular arms and as he looked down at his chest.  

God damn.  

He had _abs_.  

 _You need to focus. This is not the time,_ a voice inside his head scolded him. _This isn’t the time to get excited, something’s seriously wrong._  

“Well, duh,” he whispered to himself, still weirded out by the weird voice. Man, sex ed didn’t say anything about this.  

He scanned the room again and saw a giant mirror. Standing up, he made his way to it, only to gasp in shock at what he saw.  

It was him but _so much older_. His face was more angular, more mature, and the rest of his features finally caught up with the shnoz he called a nose. His hair was different. It was cut and styled back in such a weird way. Short at the sides, long at the top, and without a lick of gel. He stared at his reflection, which stared back with a perplexed, scared expression, and touched the mirror.  

“What the fuck…” He said, shocked that the low voice coming out of his mouth was indeed him.  

“This is all a dream, Buck. Just pinch your arm and—ow fuck!” 

“James, what’re you doing? Aren’t you going to be late for work?”  

He gasped and turned around only to see a woman in front of him, apparently the same woman from before. Only she had a towel on and she looked ready to just take it off and make her way to pile of clothes on the floor.  

“Um, who-who are you?”  

“Are you high again? You know it’s too early for that.” She laughed and shouldered past him to get to a bra that was by his feet.  

“What? No, look, this is a misunderstanding.”  

“James—” 

“It’s Bucky,” he quickly corrected her, but she continued to prattle on.  

“I have to go to work now, sweetie, but when I get back, I really hope you don’t hotbox the bathroom again.”  

He stared at her, eyes wide, and only yelped when she threw the towel away.  

“Oh my God!”  

Before she can say anything, he opened the set of doors only to find himself in the walk-in closet.  

It was dark, the light was outside and he was too scared to go back. 

“James? James…” 

“I’m, uh, changing!”  

“Nothing I haven’t seen before!”  

He yelped again. Was it possible for him to have an aneurysm? Possibly.  

He went through his clothes, trying to find something to wear in the dark. Eventually, the stranger left after failing to coax him out for a goodbye kiss.  

Goodbye kiss? What was going on… 

Eventually, he found what felt to be a shirt, a hoodie, some pants and sneakers. He went back in the room, put them on and nodded to himself.  

“Okay. What the fuck.”  

The weird beeping noise came back and he jumped, looking at the weird alarm clock. Except, the noise was different and now there was a name on it with Accept and Decline. This was a _phone?_ What the hell is this…  

 _Natasha_ _Romanova_ was the name that appeared on the screen and he was beyond confused.  

 _Nat?!_  

He approached the phone which kept ringing, picked it up, pressed accept and held the phone to his ear, “Uh… hello?”  

“Where the _hell_ are you? I’m downstairs, I have your coffee, and if you’re not down here in the next twenty seconds, Stark will have your neck.”  

“Uh, I’m sorry, Nat-Natasha, I’ll be down there in a second.” 

She hung up and he took a deep breath.  

 _Holy shit._  

“Who the fuck is Stark?” he mumbled under his breath. Looking around the room, he found his wallet on the dresser. Well, future-his’s wallet. He put it quickly in his pocket, grabbed the weird phone device (iPhone? Apparently) and ran outside, not before grabbing his keys.  

- 

The Nat he saw downstairs was different than the one he knew yesterday.  

Instead of a hairstyle that most girls envied, her hair was pin-straight, cropped into a bob, parted down the middle and still as red as the day he met her. Her features were more angular, like she was some sort of model. She merely raised his eyebrow at him as he left his apartment complex and walked to the car that was waiting for him outside.  

“Wow, someone looks ready for Warped Tour,” she teased. He looked down at whatever he was wearing and saw that he was wearing a navy blue hoodie, and a threadbare, slightly tight, Green Day shirt that his mom gave him for his birthday _yesterday_.    

“I, uh, was in a hurry. Where are we going?”  

“Ha, ha. Look, a hangover doesn’t excuse whatever travesty you’re wearing,” she smirked and then got in the car.  

“Get in.”  

He swallowed, “okay.”  

\-- 

“Nat,” 

“It’s Natasha, James. You know that.” 

“Natasha, I have to tell you something. You gotta listen, I’m thirteen.” 

“I’d give you twenty-five, but thirteen seems a bit low, don’t you think?” she snorted.  

He bit his lip and looked out the window.  

\-- 

A quick glance at the date on his iPhone told him everything.  

It was 2016.  

He was thirty, flirty, and thriving. 

\-- 

When he got to their destination, Bucky couldn’t believe what the hell was going on with his life.  

Poise.  

He was at the Poise building.  

“Holy shit…” He whispered as he looked out the window. Nat just snorted, “holy shit, indeed. Tony’s gonna rip us a new one.”  

He just ignored her and marveled at the sight in front of him.  

 _I work here._  

\-- 

The inside was _so much better_ than the outside. Infinitely better. Sleek furniture, white floors, it was so… futuristic. He was absolutely in love. When they got into the elevator, a _voice_ spoke and if that wasn’t the coolest thing.  

This just proved that the whole Y2K thing was a big hoax.  

He followed Natasha to a room with a very long table and chairs along the sides. He followed her and sat down, ignoring the weird looks people were giving him at his choice of clothing.  

“A hangover from his birthday party last night,” Natasha explained, “you know James. The party animal.”  

“Now is not the time for partying!” A voice announced suddenly. Bucky jumped and looked towards the door, only to see a man with the coolest beard on this planet walk to the front with determination in his stride.  

“So, do you guys know why we’re all sitting here today?”  

James was lost. For all he knew, they were all about to get fired. Or Steve was going to jump out and say it was an elaborate prank and everyone was just intensive makeup.  

Steve… Oh, God, where’s Steve? Did Steve exist in the future? Was he even alive? If they were best friends, how come he didn’t call Bucky? Surely these phones sent text messages.  

“James! Do you know why we’re all here?” The man, Stark presumably, asked.  

Bucky knew it was a rhetorical question so he said nothing.  

“Last month. Poise released _Hollywood’s Ten Darkest Secrets._ Sparkle released _Hollywood: 12 Secrets They Don’t Want You to Know._ Suspish, right?”  

Bucky found himself nodding along to whatever Stark was saying.  

“Month before that, let’s see. We got an inside scoop at the Academy Awards, all the drama backstage, the outfits, the conspiracies. Sparkle somehow finds out all we’ve written _and_ adds in stuff we took out. What should’ve been our biggest issue flopped like a fish without water. We’re failing and we’re failing hard, people. We’re in deep shit with corporate and we need to step up. And trust me, I will find out who’s been giving all our info to Sparkle. Okay, now get out.”  

Stark left the room and Bucky just sat there, dumbfounded.  

“You okay, there? Come on, you got work to do.” Natasha said as she stood up. He followed and ran after her as she walked away, “where am I supposed to go?”  

She turned around and eyed him, “did you hit your head or something?”  

“Uh… Yeah. I went to the doctor’s I just got uh… mild case of amnesia. It’s nothing to worry about.”  

“Oh. You know you can tell Tony,”  

“Who?” 

“Stark. He can give you a few days off.”  

Did Bucky want to be stuck in his apartment until this weird reality ceased to exist? No. For all he knew he was stuck here so he had to deal with this.  

“Uh, no. I’m fine.”  

“Okay. Well, in that case, you’ll see your name. Clint’s your PA.”  

Bucky nodded with a grateful smile and walked off to find his office.  

\-- 

When he got to his office, he was actually super pleased. Yeah, sure, it was actually a _bit too_ modern for his liking. There was a cool office chair, papers stacked neatly with many folders, and barely any decorations that made it seem like this place was _his_.  

He sat on the chair, effectively melting into it. It was so comfortable, he wondered how 30-year-old James ever got work done. He took out his iPhone and tried to unlock it, but to his dismay he couldn’t. He tried a couple of different combinations that maybe would make sense to thirty-year-old Bucky, but they wouldn’t work.  

He furrowed his brow as he stared at the stupid phone, trying to decipher the code.  

He tried his birth year, getting annoyed when the phone locked itself for a minute. After a painstakingly long minute, he put the year backwards.  

It worked.  

He played around with the device, marveling at how cool the device looked. The fact that the screen was touch was so bizarre, but this was infinitely better than the Nokia he had back home.  

He shook the thought out of his head. This was home now.  

He found the contacts button and pressed on it, eyes wide at the amount of contacts. He scrolled through the alphabetical list trying to find Steve. To his shock, and hurt, he couldn’t find Steve anywhere. He searched _Steve, Stevie, Steve Rogers, Steve R,_ and got nothing.  

Feeling incredibly annoyed, he looked through his drawers, finding that a couple of them were locked. He wondered where on Earth he put the key, when he remembered he had a key chain. Looking through the chain and trying out multiple keys, he finally got the drawers open only to find a weird, slim rectangular box thing with the same bitten apple logo on the back.  

When he opened it, he was seriously amazed with the technology. He groaned when he saw that there was a passcode, so out of desperation, he wracked his brain for something. He tried many combinations, like his birth year, his last name, the name of his dead dog. Eventually, he was so infuriated he wrote, _thisisbullshit_.  

And it _worked._  

He whooped in his office and was marveled at the technology. Honestly, even if this was all a dream—and it was becoming clear that it really wasn’t—he was really pleased with the tech. Man, who knew technology would advance so much in only seventeen years?  

He wanted to access the internet, so he looked around for a wire or something. He accidentally clicked on an icon and was surprised to find that he discovered the internet.  

And it looked so much better.  

He tried his luck and typed in the name that he was most curious about.  

  _Steve Rogers._  

He was amazed by how fast the internet was, but the fascination was short-lived when he discovered that he couldn’t really find Steve. There was something called Facebook, and something else called Twitter, and he wasn’t really familiar with whatever he was doing.  

 _Frick._  

A knock at his door shocked him from his thoughts and he looked up to see a man, probably older than him by a couple of years, walk in with a frown on his face.  

“Hey, Mr. Barnes, I know you hate it when I interrupt you, but I’m going on my lunch break in a few minutes.” The man said. He gave Bucky a weird look, probably because of his outfit, but schooled his features back to a poker face.  

“Wait, uh… Clint?”  

“Yeah?” The man replied, bored. He didn’t even look phased that Bucky appeared to have forgotten his name.  

“Uh, can you do me a favor?”  

“You _are_ my boss.”  

Bucky sighed and brushed his hair back, “okay. Can you look up Steve Rogers for me? He’s around my age. Find out where he lives. If you find him, please tell me as soon as possible.”  

Clint looked incredibly weirded out, “uh, okay. Cool, yeah. Listen, I’m going to Starbucks, you need your regular?”  

Bucky tried to seem nonchalant as he asked, “remind me what that is again?”  

Clint was seriously confused. Bucky didn’t blame him.  

“An iced-coffee?”  

Bucky bit his lip and nodded, “yeah. Thank you so much, Clint. Really, thank you.”  

Clint gave him the weirdest look so far, “okay, yeah, I’m going now. Bye, Mr. Barnes.” 

“It’s Bucky.” He murmured and watched as Clint left.  

\-- 

Bucky got out of the cab, thanked the driver while paying with a bill (he didn’t even know his PIN number to his credit card, so that was a crap fest he’d have to deal with later). He looked up at the apartment building in front of him and sighed.  

It was time to see Steve.  

Clint had given him the address, along with a phone number, and he was so terribly grateful. Maybe future-Bucky was a complete asshole, because he noticed Clint check his own pulse and temperature as he left.  

Brushing that incident aside, he ran up to the buzzer, searching through the list of names to find S. Rogers, and discovered the apartment number. He was just about to press the buzzer when someone exited the building, allowing him to slip inside and finally see Future-Steve. 


	3. Weird Juice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been drunk before, but I took inspiration from seeing other people act drunk. Still unbeta'd!

It was distressing.  

He was so terribly terrified, his hands couldn’t stop shaking, nor did his breathing calm down. He was standing in front of the apartment door, hand posed and ready to knock. His knuckles were resting on the cold wooden door, and he knew this was now or never.  

Besides, might as well get it over with now rather than go home and worry about this for ages. He didn’t even know where home _was_.  

So, he took a deep breath, raised his fist and knocked three times.  

“Yeah!” A deep voice shouted from inside. Bucky’s eyes widened, but honestly, could he even be surprised? Last time he heard Steve, though, his voice was so high and prepubescent and now it was so _different._  

He knocked some more, partly because of anxiety, partly because of impatience, and the voice got louder, “hold up!”  

He shifted his weight from one foot to another, heartbeat racing.  

Suddenly, the door opened and he looked up, only to be completely floored.  

“Yeah?” The man, no—Steve—asked, and it broke Bucky’s heart. Steve didn’t _recognize_ him? Bucky looked into those bright blue eyes, which were so achingly familiar, framed by lashes that most girls envied. His eyes shifted from the blond hair (cropped short and gelled, rather than floppy and long), to the body and, wow. Future-Steve didn’t just shake puberty’s hand, but he married it.  

“Wait, Bu-” Steve started to say, opening the door wider.  

Bucky felt like he was going to cry, finally, someone who he actually knew. He was so overcome with emotions he grabbed Steve into a tight hug, “Stevie!”  

If he knew better, he’d known not to hug someone who thought was a total stranger. Except, he didn’t know better and he was a total emotional wreck.  

He didn’t know when he started crying, but he found himself holding Steve tightly, tears streaming down his face.  

“I couldn’t f-find you on my phone,” Bucky sobbed into Steve’s shirt, “and I didn’t know what Facebook was, but Clint found you, and I miss you so much!”  

Steve unhooked Bucky’s arms, held him at arm’s length and stared at the sobbing Bucky, “Um… Bucky, what are you doing?” 

Bucky sobbed even more, “w-what do you mean? We’re friends, aren’t we? I don’t know what’s going on Stevie, you gotta help me—” 

Steve cut him off, “Bucky, we’re not.”  

He was in shock. He broke out in a cold sweat and held Steve tightly, “no, no, we’re best friends.”  

He couldn’t even see Steve’s reaction, nor could he hear it. His heartbeat was so loud, there was ringing noise in his ears and the need to vomit was overwhelming.  

He could vaguely hear a low voice, but everything was spinning, and his head was so heavy, so heavy… He tried to breathe, but the breaths were becoming shorter and shorter and then everything went black.  

\-- 

Bucky woke up for the second time that day. He had such a weird dream. Everyone was older, he was older, Natasha was his best friend and Steve was older, couldn’t remember him and broke his heart.  

He blinked a few times, his head feeling fuzzy. Rubbing at his face, he sat up and then looked around. The place he was in wasn’t familiar, it appeared to be a living-room, and he suddenly got filled with dread.  

“St-Steve…” Bucky called out, feeling panicked when his voice was still as low as it was in his dream.  

Steve walked to the living room, holding a glass of water and he still looked like the older, more mature version of Steve. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he rushed over to sit on the armchair adjacent to the couch Bucky was lying down on. 

“Hey, Bucky,” Steve smiled as he passed the glass to Bucky, except the smile was tight. Bucky felt his breathing hitch as he took the glass, and quickly downed the water to ease his breathing.  

“Steve… I don’t know what’s going on,” Bucky started to say after he finished his glass, “I remember my party, and then waking up and everything’s so _different_.”  

Steve shifted his seating and sighed, “maybe it’s just a super bad hangover. Your birthday _was_ yesterday, but maybe you drank too much—” 

Bucky cut Steve off and sat closer to him, “no, see, I don’t remember yesterday. Not yesterday, not last month, last year, nothing. I remember my thirteenth birthday party, Stevie. That’s it. You have to believe me.”  

Steve looked distraught. Bucky felt like he was intruding, that maybe Steve was finally done with him and he didn’t want this.  

“Look, Buck. I believe you. You might be just dealing with so much stress your body doesn’t know what to do, so I guess we’ll have to wait till your memory’s back. Did you go see a doctor?”  

Bucky knew he had to lie, because, well? How was he going to go to a doctor? Did he have insurance? Did he have money for a doctor? Sure, he had fancy clothes and a penthouse, but bad budgeting was a thing and maybe Future-Bucky didn’t count on going to a doctor.  

Besides, he couldn’t even access any of his funds, so that was useless.  

“Uh, yeah. Don’t worry about it.”  

Steve nodded and the silence got awkward. Oh, how badly he wanted to go and hug Steve again, to cry, to call his mother, to lie down in bed and never wake up…  

“Stevie… I don’t know how to get home. Do you know where I live?”  

Steve chuckled, although it was hollow and kind of awkward, “check your driver’s license, it’ll tell you. Do you want me to walk you home?”  

Bucky felt the tears come back, “please? But first, can you tell me what happened? With us?” 

Steve nodded, “sure. On our way, okay, Buck?”  

Bucky got up shakily and couldn’t help himself. He hugged Steve again, “thank you.”  

He felt Steve pat him gently on the back, and then, to his surprise, hug him back.  

“For what?” Steve asked.  

“You’re the only one who called me Bucky today. Thank you.”  

Steve laughed quietly and patted Bucky’s back again.  

\--- 

They were walking back to Bucky’s apartment. Steve had his iPhone out and was figuring out how to get there with the maps app, and Bucky had his hands shoved deep inside his pockets, trailing Steve around like a lost puppy. Steve still hadn’t said a word, and Bucky was starting to feel nervous again.  

“So, uh, what happened?” Bucky finally asked.  

Steve sighed and looked up from his phone, “well, we drifted. I’m not sure what you remember from that party Bucky, but you basically kicked me out.” 

“I’m sorry.” Bucky said, trying to sound as genuine as possible, because he was. If only he could turn back time.  

“And, you know, I tried to talk to you after, but you ignored me. You actually never spoke to me again. You… you got together with Nat and you both were _the_ couple. I eventually started dislike you, but I never hated you, not really. You were finally popular, and that’s all you really wanted. Puberty treated you well, people treated you well, even your parents treated you well. Especially that I was out of the picture. Your mom was never fond of me.”  

“And then?” 

Steve sighed, “Then, you went off and got a degree, went to the same school as her, got hired by the same place. You’re fairly successful, so I’m happy for you for that. I follow you on a bunch of stuff like Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. You’re pretty vocal with your social media, I didn’t stalk you. Even though I wasn’t a big fan of you, I still wanted to check on you. I wanted to see how things were.” 

“And, did I follow you back?” Bucky was hopeful, maybe there was a way he could contact Steve.  

“No.” 

“I’m sorry.”  

“It’s okay.” 

Bucky bit his lip, “well, what about you? What did you do?”  

Steve smiled at Bucky, but his eyebrow was furrowed. As if he couldn’t believe Bucky was giving him all this attention. But Bucky wanted to. He wasn’t Future-Bucky. He wasn’t an asshole.  

“Well, I went to art school. I got a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts and I also went to teacher’s college. I work freelance, but I also teach part-time, I love what I do. I don’t have half the money you got, but I’m happy.” 

Bucky grinned at him, “I’m so happy you’re happy.”  

Steve laughed, and for once, it sounded genuine, “your memory’s total wiped out, huh?”  

“Honestly, I saw my phone and freaked out. As much as I love this new thing, my Nokia lasted way longer.”  

Steve’s laughter was infectious.  

\--- 

They were finally at Bucky’s apartment. Bucky’d remembered where it was, so they avoided that conflict, and they were both standing in front of the front door.  

“You can come in, if you want. I really want to know more. I miss you, Steve. I’m sorry for what I did.”  

Steve smiled at him, and it made Bucky’s heart ache. He couldn’t believe his Future-Self was so stupid to lose Steve. Steve Rogers was the most amazing person he’d ever known, and if he could just turn back time.  

“I forgive you. I have before, it’s okay. I missed you, too.”  

Bucky was about to say more when he got a phone call. He quickly muttered, “wait,” and picked up.  

“Hello?”  

 _“Hello, James.”_   

“Oh, hey, Nat-Natasha. What’s going on?”  

 _“I thought I’d remind you about Poise’s soiree tonight. Please wear something better than the tragedy you called an outfit tonight, alright? A limo’s gonna pick you up at seven, so be ready. I’ll text you the address.”_  

“You couldn’t, uh, text me all this?” That’s what everyone was doing, apparently. He decided not to ask about the limo.   

 _“Thought you forgot how to use a phone,”_ she teased, and it made him chuckle, although it sounded weird, even to him.  

“Yeah, true. Anyway, I gotta go, thank you so much for reminding me.”  

He could practically _feel_ the weird look he was sure she’d given him. She hung up without saying goodbye, and he looked up to see a silent Steve on his phone.  

“So, there’s a party tonight.”  

Steve smiled politely, “that’s cool.” 

“Yeah, and… I want you to come. If you can, if it’s alright.” 

Steve thought about it for a minute, and Bucky really wanted him to say yes. He prayed in his mind, waiting for Steve’s answer.  

“I’ll… think about it. Just, give me the address.” 

“Yeah, I’ll, uh, text it you, wait… I don’t have your number. What is it?”  

After a minute of getting Steve’s number, he looked up with a wide grin.  

“You’re the best, Stevie. Please come tonight, okay?”  

“Yeah, I’ll try. I gotta go, now, but take care, okay, Bucky?” 

Bucky nodded and turned to unlock the door, hoping silently that Steve would offer to hug him. It was so strange to think that he’d only seen Steve less than 24 hours ago. To think that their last interaction was because of his complete idiocy! Still, he didn’t quite understand _why_ he didn’t forgive Steve. Maybe this wasn’t even the future, maybe it was some parallel universe where everything was wrong and the man in front of him was the only person that could help him. He didn’t dwell on the thoughts, rather instead choosing to focus on unlocking the door, wishing that Steve would just hug him already.  

Sadly, however, Steve only walked away, leaving Bucky all alone.  

\--- 

Bucky was lying down in his large bed, on his phone. No wonder everyone was practically glued to these iPhone things. He was in love with his, and he even stalked (is it stalking if it’s his?) own accounts. He was so _cool_ , honestly. He had so many notifications waiting for him, it was easy to get overwhelmed looking at everything.  

He wanted to catch up with all the pop-culture. So, he went on a Google spree, trying to find out everything. The politics were pretty confusing, so he completely ignored that, but everything else was completely interesting and he couldn’t wait to just buckle down and read about everything.  

He didn’t know how long he sat there. He got home at four, and the limo would be there at seven. That meant he had an hour to get ready, and judging by Nat’s reaction to his outfit that morning, he had to get ready immediately.  

He opened the closet door, turned on the light, and let out a swear his mom would’ve definitely spanked him for 

\--- 

After an hour of deciding between this or that, he was fully dressed and standing in the elevator. He really liked his outfit. It was a navy blue suit (much tighter than whatever suits his dad used to wear, jeez, the future was weird), a black bowtie (thank you, internet, for teaching him how to tie one), and this sick perfume that he found among other expensive looking bottles. He had found this fancy looking gel and had went to straight to work, trying to slick his hair back to look cool.  

The elevator stopped and in walked a teenage boy. He looked like the older kids back at high school, so Bucky assumed he was around sixteen or seventeen. The teenager looked different than the other teenagers he actually knew. Sure, he was wearing nineties-style clothes but it was all in dark colours and the hair…  

Bucky smiled at the younger boy. He probably knew him, so might as well act the part, “hey, there.”  

The boy furrowed an eyebrow, put an earbud in his ear, and looked back at his phone.  

“How’re you?” Bucky asked, trying to sound respectful and like an _adult_.  

“Okay, why are you talking to me?” The boy asked, taking the earbud out and stared hard at Bucky.  

Bucky gulped, shifted his weight from one foot to another, and laughed, “we’re neighbors, right?”  

 _Oh crap, what if he was just a visitor,_ Bucky thought.  

“Well, yeah, but you usually ignore me. What gives?”  

Bucky sighed internally, “well, you know, I decided to be nice. I’m headed off to a party, right now, but tell me, can you tell I’m wearing gel? It’s this dope brand I never heard of before.”   

The boy still looked wary. He looked up at Bucky’s hair and smiled a bit, “hm. Yeah, actually. Maybe a bit too much.”   

Bucky grinned, “Nice.”  

The doors opened and Bucky turned to the boy, “I’m James, by the way. But please, call me Bucky.”  

As they walked out, the boy replied, “I’m Andrew. Nice to finally talk to you, Bucky.”  

“Right back at ya, dude!”  

Bucky turned around and exited the building quickly, trying to find the limo that was supposed to be waiting for him. When he saw it, he pinched himself just to make sure that this was, for sure, _not_ a dream.  

\--- 

When he got to the party, Bucky wanted to yawn until his jaw fell off. The music playing was some weird background music that was far too boring for his liking. Everywhere he looked, guests were dressed to the nines. He felt kind of awkward, everyone was far too old, far too drunk, and far too _bored_.  

Servers walked around holding trays of drinks, so he picked one up and downed it.  

He blinked a few times, wincing at the burning in his throat, and then walked around trying to find someone he recognized.  

He saw Natasha’s red hair from his peripheral vision and made his way towards her, noticing that she was standing with a clearly distressed Tony Stark.  

“Oh! James! So glad you can join us!” Tony yelled, clapping Bucky on his back. Bucky smiled, forgoing the whole ‘it’s Bucky, please,’ because, well, it was useless.  

“You look nice, what happened to the Warped Tour attire?” Natasha asked him, smirking. He laughed, shifted his footing and shrugged, “wanted to look fancy, you know?”  

They made idle small talk for a while. The minute Tony left, Natasha dropped the smile on her face and rolled her eyes at Bucky, “honest to God, that man’s gonna be the death of me.”  

“What? He’s pretty rad.”  

Natasha looked at him oddly but she was interrupted as a server walked by with drinks. She grabbed two, passed one to Bucky, and sipped at hers, “if I have to listen to him talk one more time about Sparkle, I might actually vomit.”  

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He drank his drink, which was considerably sweeter than the last one, and smiled, “this is pretty good.”  

“Yeah, it’s your favourite.”  

“Really? I do love juice.”  

She laughed as he downed the drink. He was beginning to feel _good_. His hands were tingling, his stomach had butterflies and he felt ready to get this party started. The music, however, was a total bummer, so he couldn’t even dance to it.  

“Well, if it isn’t Dumb and Dumber.” A nasal voice taunted, making Bucky turn around. He saw an older woman, looking like she was near the end of her thirties. Her tragic bleached hair was pulled into a high bun, and her face was _glowing_ (no, it really was, especially at the cheekbones and tip of her nose).  

“Why are you here, Rachel?” Nat asked, bored. She eyed the lady in front of them with disgust, and Bucky knew this lady was some sort of rival. 

“I just wanted to join the party,” she said with a sickly sweet voice, “but, you know, you guys fail at everything. Not only were your last issues total flops, but so’s your party. It’s tragic, really.”  

Bucky didn’t know what made him do it, but he retaliated loudly, “the only thing sad here’s your bleach job!”  

The lady glared at him, nostrils flaring. She straightened up and tightened her smile, “hope your total wreck of an event flops so hard, your corporate fires your sorry asses.”  

She left quickly, heels clacking against the linoleum. He snorted then grabbed a drink from a server rushing past him.  

“What a _bitch_ ,” Nat hissed. Bucky shrugged then took a giant gulp.  

“Man, I feel so _good_. This stuff tastes amazing.” He sighed.  

“Yeah, you’re gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.” Nat sniggered.  

Bucky’s eyes bugged out of his head as he stared at Nat, “there’s… alcohol in this?”  

“Yeah, what did you think?” She asked, taking another sip.  

“Uh, I don’t know, um, _juice_?! I’m gonna be in so much trouble.” He groaned. His mother was going to _murder_ him.  

“Your liver’s gonna forgive you for drinking just this once, James.” She laughed. She clearly did not know what was wrong.  

Sure, adult Bucky drank, and apparently smoked weed, but actual Bucky _never did_. His mom wouldn’t even let him take a sip of wine at family reunions. He began to panic, but then he realized, he was _thirty_. He can drink whatever he wanted and his mom wouldn’t even know.  

He saw Tony walk over, although gone was the happy Tony. He had a deep frown and in his hand was a glass of scotch (his dad used to drink the stuff, so he recognized it). The older man stopped in front of the two friends and yelled, “well, here’s to getting fired!”  

With that, he took a giant swig that made Bucky wince.  

“Tony, we’re not going to get fired. The party’s a success.” Nat said as she touched his shoulder.  

Tony barked out a laugh, “a success? Well, we succeeded at getting everyone out the door. No one’s _dancing,_ everyone looks like they’re at Poise’s funeral for fuck’s sake.”  

Bucky put his thinking face on (Steve always told him it looked like he was sucking on a lemon) then slurred, “well, maybe it’s the m _uuuu_ sic.”  

Tony looked at him hard, “what? What’s wrong with the music?” 

Bucky pouted, “what isn’t wrong with it? It’s not made for—for dancing!”  

“Well, smart guy, if you want to get people to dance, go put on good music.” Tony instructed.  

 _Maybe I will!_ Bucky thought. He walked over to the DJ, stumbling as he did so, and finally stood in front of her.  

“Hey, there!” He called out.  

She looked back at him, taking off her headphones, “any requests?”  

He put on his lemon-sucking thinking face back on, then asked, “do you know any dancing music? Music to get us a little loose, you know, dude?”  

The DJ laughed, raising her eyebrows at his drunk behavior, “do you know any songs?”  

“Uh… Britney Spears?”  

She pretended to gag. 

“Okay, smartie pants, what do you say?” 

She thought hard, and he envied her thinking face, “well… there’s this one song. It gets everyone dancing.”  

“What is it?” He asked.  

“The cha cha slide.”  

“Don’t know it but put it on! Let’s get _danciiiing_!”  

She laughed hard, “man, have you been living under a rock these past fourteen years?”  

“You don’t even know!”  

With that, he walked back on the dance floor, ready to show Nat and Tony that he could save this flop.  

The song started, and at first, he didn’t know what was doing until he started following the dance moves.  

In the beginning, he was the only one doing anything. He was inwardly cursing the DJ, until he started following the singer.  

“Slide to the left!” He did.  

“Slide to the right!” He slid.  

People started to halfheartedly dance along, and he felt embarrassed, until he saw _Steve._  

Steve was standing there awkwardly, watching Bucky make a fool out of himself.  

Bucky didn’t know what made him do it, but he yelled, “Stevie! Get your fine butt over here!”  

Steve’s eyes bugged out of his face and Bucky was determined to get him to dance.  

“Steve Rogers! Dance!”  

Steve made X motions with his arms, but the odds were in Bucky’s favour, because a spotlight shone upon the quickly regretful face of Steve Rogers.  

Steve looked like he wanted to be literally anywhere else, but Bucky wasn’t going to let him go. He quickly ran over to Steve (which was a bad move, was the room always spinning) and then dragged him to the dance floor.  

“You dance with me, Steven Grant Rogers, or I swear to God, I will take away all your Pokémon cards.” 

He didn’t see it, but Steve gave him the weirdest look. He immediately got back to dancing, loving it when the guy said cha cha real smooth.  

He cha cha’d _real_ smooth.  

Steve reluctantly joined in on the dancing and Bucky was loving it. Eventually, even more people joined in. Hell, he looked up and _Tony_ was dancing.  

Bucky Barnes was a genius and no one could tell him otherwise.  

Eventually the song ended, and lo and behold, Hit Me Baby One More Time started playing. He turned around, and saw the DJ flash him a thumbs up.  

He yelled over the music, “THANK YOU MS DJ!”  

He turned around to see Steve but the man was walking away. He ran to Steve and gripped his shoulder so he’d stop, “STEVIE! Boy, where do you think you’re going, you didn’t even dance, man! Don’t be such a buzzkill”  

Steve laughed at Bucky’s laughing, “man, this is weird.”  

“Weird HOW?” Bucky yelled.  

“I was usually the one yelling. But I’m going home—” 

“NO! Please, I missed you! Come on, dance, drink some of the funny juice, uh, eat!”  

Steve gave Bucky a hard look, “you’re drunk, aren’t you?”  

“ _Whaaaat_? Noooo…” Bucky drawled, holding onto Steve for support.  

“Say the alphabet backwards.” Steve ordered.  

Bucky pouted at him, “I can’t even say that normally but fine. Z… X…”  

“That’s it,’ Steve sighed, “come on, we’re going home.”  

He held Bucky’s hand and dragged him outside of the venue. When they were finally outside, Bucky smiled at the cold weather. He regretted not taking a jacket, but his suit was just too cool to cover up. He heard Steve call someone and he wrapped his arms around Steve once more.  

“Yeah, a cab, please. Thank you so much.”  

“Who-Who’re you calling? Your _girlfriend?_ Steve and girlfriend sitting in a tree!” Bucky giggled.  

“No, I’m calling a cab to send you home.” 

Bucky didn’t know what came over him, but he felt incredibly sad. He felt tears prick at his eyes and he held onto Steve tighter, “no please, I don’t wanna go back to that apartment. Please, Stevie, I’m so scared. I miss my mom, I miss you. Can I go back to mom’s house?” 

“Your mom’s on a cruise right now—” 

“How do you know, stalker? Stevie the stalker.” 

“I’m friends with her on Facebook. Buck, I can’t get you to your mom’s house.” 

“Can you come to my apartment, then? Please?”  

Steve was considering it. Bucky gave him the best pouty face, which according to twelve-year-old Steve was really hard to say no to.  

“Okay, fine. _Fine,_ stop looking at me like that. Lord knows, if I leave you alone you might choke on your own vomit.”  

“That would be so grody.”  

“Fucking hell.” Steve rolled his eyes, and then held Bucky tighter.  

They waited for the cab for a while. Bucky kept touching Steve’s face, muttering over and over about how this was all so weird.  

When the cab finally came, he was lying down on Steve’s lap who was playing with his hair trying to calm him down.  

“You know I have a girlfriend?” Bucky asked, eyes half-shut. 

“Really?” Steve asked, brushing his hand through Bucky’s hair.  

“Yeah… I don’t really like her though. She was naked and I was kinda weirded out. Like, I don’t know you. lady.” 

Steve laughed, “But she’s your girlfriend.” 

“Yeah... I should text her not to come.” Bucky mumbled. He took out his phone, unlocked it with difficulty, then sent the contact with the three hearts a message.  

 ** _hey pls do not com to my_** ** _apapapstment_** **_thnk_** ** _u bye_**  

Steve almost died laughing at the text.  

“Bucky, you’re such a character.”  

“Thank you, I guess.” 

He got a message back, and he groaned at its contents.  

 ** _I can’t believe you’re drunk again. Fine, we’ll talk later. And to think I had a surprise for you._**  

“What surprise? Did she get me the new Nintendo? Now I feel bad.” Bucky drawled.  

Steve patted his head, “no, no, don’t worry about it.”  

“I love you, Stevie.” 

The hair-playing stopped, which made Bucky frown. It resumed in a second, and his smile returned.  

“I love you, too, Bucky.”


	4. Snake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky just calls people snakes. That's his favourite insult. Unbeta'd!
> 
> I know Pokemon Go did not come out in March, but July, but let's just let that slide, eh?

Bucky woke up, for the second day in a row, with a pounding headache in a beige room that was supposedly his.  

The main difference, however, was that instead of a female voice calling for him, he had his arms wrapped around a man.  

“What the hell…” He murmured. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, only to realize it was Steve.  

“Stevie… Steve, wake up.”  

Steve groaned and turned around, wrapping his arm around Bucky.  

He laughed, “Steve, you bastard, get off me and wake up.” 

“Five more minutes, Peggy.”  

“Don’t call me that, I only had a peg leg once for Halloween and I was ten. Now, wake up.” 

Steve opened his eyes, and he looked surprised for a minute. 

“Bucky?” 

“Yeah, ya dingus. My head hurts so much, ow.” Bucky groaned and lay back down. Steve pulled away and stared at Bucky.  

“Well, you did drink a lot.” 

“I didn’t know it was alcohol.” Bucky whined, “I thought it was just… weird tasting juice.” 

“Come on, you can’t be that naïve,” Steve laughed, “it obviously tasted weird.” 

“Maybe all juice tastes weird in the future, Stevie.” Bucky countered and then let out a huge yawn. 

“I think I’m gonna go back to sleep.” Bucky said, snuggling into his blankets. To his dismay, his alarm went off, making him groan.  

“Can’t, looks like you got work.” Steve chuckled.  

“What?! No, no, no. I don’t even know what I’m doing.” Bucky frowned. He got up and walked over to his closet, looking through the huge amount of clothes. Okay, he said he wanted clothes before, but this was excessive.  

“Well, I guess I’ll head out?” Steve said, standing up and stretching.  

“Text me when you get home?” Bucky asked, looking through an entire rack of white shirts.  

Steve froze and Bucky turned around to stare at him. He wondered if he’d said something wrong.  

“Look, Bucky… this was nice, but… I’m not sure if you understand. We’re not friends anymore. You’ll regret this.” 

Bucky walked over to him, holding two white shirts that looked the same, “but, we can be. Come on, I’m a changed person. I want to be friends with you, if you’ll forgive me.”  

Steve pursed his lips, but eventually he cracked a smile, making Bucky smile back.  

“Okay. Fine. Sure. I did miss you, and you’re not the asshole I knew you to be for the past seventeen years. Plus, I can’t leave you like this with your wicked amnesia.” 

“That would be unethical.” Bucky pointed and then held out the two shirts, “Okay, what’s the difference? Why did I need two of the same shirt?”  

“One is a skinny fit and the other one isn’t.” Steve said.  

“Okay, but how do you know that?” 

“It’s what makes sense. Wear the skinny one, it’ll look good on you.”  

“Thanks Stevie.” 

Steve grinned, and he finally, for once, did not look completely guarded.  

“Any time.” 

\--- 

 ** _Bucky: is it_** ** _tru_** ** _gay marriage is legal now?_**  

 ** _Steve: Yes. Get back to work._**  

 ** _Bucky:_** ** _dnt_** ** _tell me what to do!_**  

\-- 

 ** _Bucky: so like people catch_** ** _pokemon_** ** _in real LIFE?_**  

 ** _Steve: Yeah, but also not really? I’ll show you sometime._**  

 ** _Bucky: show me NOW_**  

 ** _Steve: You’re getting paid to work not play Pokémon._**  

 ** _Bucky: yea that would be heaven._**  

 ** _\--_**  

 ** _Bucky: whats a meme_**  

 ** _Steve:_** ** _im_** ** _gonna block your number_**  

 ** _Bucky: who’s pepe_**  

 ** _Steve: stop texting me_**  

 ** _Bucky: o shit!_** ** _Waddup_** ** _!_**  

 ** _Steve: James._**  

 ** _Bucky: jeez mom ok. Here comes BUZZKILL._**  

 ** _\--_**  

“Hello?” Steve’s voice asked through the speaker.  

“Okay, don’t kill me, but really, what’s a meemee?” Bucky asked. He was done work (and surprisingly, got a lot done with Clint), and was now walking over to a Starbucks.  

“Okay, first of all, it’s pronounced _meem_ , and second of all, it’s an internet joke, and third of all, will you stop asking me all this?” 

“Stevie, you’re gonna make me look like peepee.” 

“Pardon?” 

“You know? Peepee the frog? Sad crying frog meme? You’re so uncultured.” 

“It’s Pepe!”  

“Yeah, him. I’m going to Starbucks now. Turns out, I have money?”  

Steve laughed on the other end, “yeah. You do.” 

“That’s so cool. And tap’s a thing! I can just tap away.” 

“That’s nice, Bucky. Listen, maybe try not to overspend.” 

“Yeah, I guess. Anyway, how was your day?”  

Steve was quiet for only a second, but he replied, “it was… fine, actually. Yeah, I worked at a school. Kids were pretty nice, for once. Now, I’m just heading home.”  

“Okay, well, I’m at the Starbucks, now, so I’ll see you later, okay?” 

“Kay, bye, Bucky.” 

“Bye!”  

\-- 

“So, I tell him, ‘no, I’ve had enough of you and your stupid mind games’, and he just says, ‘well, Natasha, maybe if you weren’t a total bitch all the time, I wouldn’t be like this’, and I’m just like,’ excuse me?’ James, are you listening? James? James!”  

Bucky looked up and stared wide-eyed at Natasha who was glaring back at him.  

“Tell me what I just said.” She snapped.  

“Um… something about… your boyfriend.”  

“Close. What are you doing on your phone?” 

“Playing Candy Crush. Do you know about it, it’s a cool game—” 

“Of course I know about it! Everyone does. You’ve been so distracted lately, what the fuck’s wrong with you?”  

He blushed, “it’s my head injury. Makes me spaced out.” 

She frowned and gave him a pitying look, although it seemed kind of false, and said, “you need to go out more. Have fun. See, look at her, she looks hot. And she’s been eyeing you all night.” 

He turned around to see a brunette, who was indeed eyeing him.  

“No, too old. ‘Sides, I got a girlfriend.” 

“Thought you were gonna break up with her.”  

“Oh, I was? Well, still. It’s wrong. Look, I need some fresh air, wanna go for a walk?”  

She downed her drink and sat up, “fine, let’s go.”  

\-- 

They stood in front of the bar. Natasha wanted to just stand outside, because it was _too cold to go on a walk, James._ He was fine, he just couldn’t handle being in the stuffy bar.  

She reminded him of their workday that morning, maybe thinking that he had short term memory loss. He didn’t. He heard every single one of Tony’s words, saying that even though their event was a mild success, Sparkle had bested them yet again, and they had to redesign.  

He rolled his eyes at all the drama and continued to play his game until he heard a loud laugh.  

He looked up from his Candy Crush game, ignoring Natasha’s babbling about their _collaboration James, we’ll do such a good job_ , and saw Steve walking with a woman.  

If he were more mature, he would’ve known to leave Steve alone, instead, he called out, “hey, Stevie! Steve!”  

Steve looked up and saw Bucky. He grinned, said something to the woman beside him who grinned back, and walked over to Bucky,  

“Bucky! Hey, finally away from your phone I see?” Steve asked, still smiling.  

“No, he’s been playing fucking Crush Candy all night.” Nat interjected.  

“It’s _Candy Crush_ ,” Bucky interrupted, “and yeah, no. These things are so cool. Who’s your friend?” 

Steve held the woman’s hand, “this is Peggy. My fiancée.”  

“Oh.” Bucky said. He felt a weird feeling in his gut, “this is Peggy? Nice to meet you.”  

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, Bucky, I’ve heard lots about you.” Peggy said, with a strong British accent (Bucky didn’t know from where, honestly).   

“Oh. Uh. Well, I wish I could say the same.” Bucky said with an awkward laugh. Steve gave him an odd look.  

“Wait, Steve? Steve Rogers? Man, puberty hit you hard.” Natasha smirked, eyeing Steve up and down.  

“Nat?”  

“The one and only.”  

“Wow you look… nice.” 

“Thank you.”  

Steve replied with a tight smile.  

Bucky felt awkward. His ex-best friend but slowly becoming his best friend was talking to his best friend slowly becoming his ex-best friend. He needed to sit down.  

The silence started to get awkward, until a shrill voice shrieked, “James!”  

He jumped and turned around, only to see the naked lady from the shower across the street.  

“My God, I’ve been looking all over for you!” She yelled as she jaywalked. She wrapped him in a tight hug, “you haven’t been answering any of my calls, babe, I was worried.”  

Bucky stared at her like a deer caught in headlights, “uh. Dear, I have missed you, too, as well.”  

 _Nice grown-up talk, Bucky,_ he thought.  

“So, who are your friends?” She asked, smiling wide.  

“Well, I’m guessing you know Natasha,” he said, gesturing towards the redhead, “and this is Steve, and that’s his friend, Peggy.” 

“Fiancée.” Peggy cut in.  

“Yeah. That.”  

“Well, how about we head over to my apartment for some… fun?” The woman asked. God, if only he knew her name.  

“Wait. Wait, you’re Sarah Thorne? The actress?” Peggy asked, looking shocked. 

“Yeah, the one and only!” The woman—Sarah, laughed, flashing a Hollywood grin.  

“Wow, I love your work! You’re so talented.”  

“Thank you, I do love my fans. But yes, Bucky, let’s go? I missed you.”  

“Yeah, we’ll go, too, Bucky. I’ll talk to you later?”  

“Yeah, see ya, Stevie. You, too, Peggy.”  

Steve dragged away Peggy, leaving Bucky with the two women. Bucky quickly pulled Natasha over, calling out, “just a second!”  

“Nat,” he whispered urgently, “she wants to have some fun!”  

“Yeah, _fun._ Play some games.” She winked. 

“Like, Nintendo?”  

“Yeah. All sorts of games.” She smirked.  

“Okay, I trust you.” 

\-- 

He regretted his choice.  

When they got to Sarah’s apartment, she led him over to the couch, sitting way too close to him. He smiled awkwardly at her, “So, wanna play a game? You guys probably have like PlayStation 10 or something.”  

She smiled, although admittedly looking a bit confused, and wrapped her arms around him, “I never have any clue what you’re talking about.”  

He shrugged, “you’re not the first to tell me. You know, Clint, my PA, was so confused with whatever I was saying the other day. Man, he’s such a cool dude though. You think if I got him a present he’d like it—mmmph!”  

Sarah had cut Bucky off mid-conversation and started to kiss him. He stared at her closed eyes, wide-eyed, and felt incredibly awkward, weird, and put off—because, rude! He was talking.  

He was still, for some reason that did not bother her (oh God his first kiss was with an older woman). She took off his jacket, and was starting to work on his shirt, so he lightly shoved her off.  

“Wait no, this isn’t PlayStation!” He squeaked then wiped his lips. She looked slightly offended, but she clearly forgave him as she started to kiss him again, “just shut up and kiss me!” 

“I don’t want to do this!” He whined against her lips and then scooted backwards.  

She stared at him with a frown, “what’s been up with you lately?”  

He quickly brainstormed for a reason, then remembered an article he was working on with Clint, “uh, low sex drive?” It sounded legit.  

Instead of backing up, Sarah stood up with a mischievous grin, “let’s get that drive back up.” 

“Can we leave it at park?” He countered, staring horrified as she walked over to her stereo. She hooked up her phone to a chord and winked at him.  

“You’re gonna _love this_.”  

He laughed awkwardly, “is it a new Blink-182 song or something?”  

She rolled her eyes and the familiar tune started playing.  

Under Pressure? No, wait, oh no… 

“Ice ice baby.” She mouthed along to the song, dancing. He stared at her, slack jawed, which might have given her the wrong impression.  

“Oh, you _love_ this, don’t you!” She purred and then did the unthinkable.  

She took off her underwear from underneath her dress and threw it at him.  

He jumped out, letting out a loud, “EW GROSS! Why did you just throw that at me?!”  

She paused the music and stared at him, looking more offended than she’d ever looked before. He was staring at her with disgust, and to his horror, her offended features morphed themselves into anger.  

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!”  

“You just threw your dirty underwear at me, what’s wrong with me?! What’s wrong with you!”  

She barked out a laugh, although it sounded mocking and he decided it was an ugly laugh, “oh, ha! That’s it. We’re through, James. Get _out_.”  

“Because I didn’t wanna kiss you? Didn’t your mom ever teach you no means no?” He asked, stomping his foot and folding his arms. He knew he looked childlike, but this lady was so freaking stupid!  

She was gob smacked, and he held his nose up triumphantly, “yeah. Who’s the _bitch_ , now?”  

Oh, he loved swearing sometimes.  

“James, I’m _sorry,_ I’m just frustrated.”  

He snorted as he grabbed his jacket, “yeah, right. Man, now I know why I was gonna break up with you. You’re just a snake, Sarah-Something. Bye, Ssssarah.” 

He turned to leave, but quickly turned around, “and it’s Bucky, by the way!”  

With that, he walked out of the apartment and made his way home.  

“What a total wreck,” he mumbled to himself as he walked through the dark city streets. He took his phone out of his pocket and immediately dialed Steve.  

When Steve picked up, he sounded half-awake, “’lo?”  

“Sarah is a snake and I cannot believe past-future-me ever dated her. She didn’t know that no means no!”  

Steve’s voice was suddenly alert, “Bucky, are you okay? Did something happen?”  

Bucky snorted and continued walking to his apartment, only he didn’t know where he was going. Fuck, where was he?  

“Uh, well, she kissed me like twice and I said no. Then she took her underwear off and _threw it at me_ , do I look like a hamper?” Bucky asked rhetorically.  

“Bucky, are you okay? Did she… do anything else?” 

“No, I called a snake and left. Also, I broke up with her. I can’t believe my longest relationship was like three days. That’s such a bummer.” He kicked a random pebble in defeat. Man, he was such a loser.  

“Where are you right now?” Steve asked again. He sounded much more awake now. Bucky wondered why.  

“Hm. I don’t know actually. I’m kinda scared, though, how do I get back to my apartment?”  

“Okay, Bucky, what you’re going to do is share your location—I’ll tell you how—but just go to the nearest coffee shop and stay there, okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up though, okay? And Steve, do you have my mom’s number? I can’t find it in my contacts.”  

\--- 

Bucky slept alone for the first time.  

Steve had dropped him off, made sure he was fine, and left.  

He tried calling his mother, but she didn’t pick up, and it tore at his heart.  

That was how Bucky slept. Alone, crying in the dark, with so much longing it hurt.  

\---  

“Clint! Buddy! I got you your favourite! Chai tea latte, like you like.” Bucky called out, holding the Starbucks tray up high. He saw as the other secretaries gave Clint envious looks, while Clint just sat at his desk.  

“Oh, hey, Bucky.” Clint replied with a grin as he stood up. He walked over to Bucky, who was sipping from his iced coffee which was still in the tray. He grabbed his chai tea latte and Bucky beamed at him.  

“Thanks for calling me, Bucky. Honestly, James makes me sound so _old_ , and I’m only thirtee- _thirty_ _!_ You know, what I mean?” He smiled once more for good measure then started walking to his office.  

Clint trailed behind him, holding his phone up, “okay, so you got a couple messages—” 

“Let’s hear it! Dis-moi! You know, there’s this thing called Duolingo,” Bucky prattled on as he unlocked his office and walked to his desk, “have you heard of it, it’s pretty cool—wait, the messages! Yes! Dis-moi, monsieur!”  

Clint had long since abandoned the weird looks that _everyone_ gave Bucky. Bucky sat on his desk and waited.  

“Uh… are you sure?” 

“What? Mi messages es tu messages, ya feel? You already read them, come on.”   

Clint gave him a hesitant look, took a deep breath, and started, “Sam from Marketing says: I hope you rot in hell, you backstabbing cocksucking bastard—” 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he yelled, “whoa, there! Okay, uh, next?” 

“Theresa from the Art Department says: Fuck you, James Barnes, you know I needed this job, I hope they fire you like you did to me—” 

“That’s hostile! Wait, I fire people?” 

“Yeah.” Clint nodded, then scrolled down.  

“Interesting. I mean—not cool! Is she okay?”  

Clint shrugged, “who knows? Okay, this one’s from Temi down the hall: Fuck—” 

“Okay! You know what, I’ll read them myself.” Bucky said, taking a soothing sip from his iced coffee.  

“Actually, she says: fuck you and your amazing brownies, you’re the devil James, you’re gonna make me put on twenty pounds.” 

“I bake?”  

Clint whistled, “in every sense of the word.”  

Bucky looked at him quizzically, but ignored it. 

“Okay, I’ll head out now, if you need anything, just call or something,” Clint said, turning around so he can exit the office.  

“Wait! Clint, my parents. Did I get any messages?”  

Clint frowned, “you blocked their numbers, so no. I’ll see ya, okay, sport?”  

“Yeah. See ya… “ 

Clint left and Bucky sat there, sipping his iced coffee sadly. He got a call from the landline after a few minutes, which he answered, only to see it was only Clint, “yeah, a certain guy’s here to see you.”  

Bucky smiled, hoping it was Steve, “who is it?”  

“Drew, Nancy’s husband.” 

“Who?” Bucky asked, taking a sip from his iced coffee.  

“Nancy from finance.” 

“Let him in, I guess.” Bucky said, wondering why Nancy’s husband wanted to see _him_. He didn’t even know Nancy. Maybe she liked his brownies… 

“Just dropping off Nancy’s lunch, wanted to say hi!” Drew said loudly as he walked into Bucky’s office. Clint gave Bucky a grim look which made him confused.  

Bucky raised an eyebrow at the stranger in front of him, waiting for the hi and then goodbye. He saw Clint roll his eyes then leave, leaving the two alone.  

“Oh, God, I missed you.” The stranger—Drew—groaned and then pulled Bucky into a fierce kiss.  

 _Okay, not again,_ Bucky inwardly groaned and he shoved the man off of him, “what the heck are you doing?” 

“What, I was with the missus for the past week, hadn’t seen you in so long.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened, “what! You’re—you’re married!”  

“So? Didn’t stop us last time, or the time before that, or before _that_..” The man drawled, and oh God, he was a total sleaze. Bucky with this slime ball? As if!  

“So? So?! I work with your wife! And I’m not gay!”  

“’Course you’re not, you’re my bisexual baby.” The man purred and then tried to make out with Bucky once more, who wasn’t having any of his shit.  

He pulled his fist back and swung a solid punch into the man’s cheek.  

“Fuck, ow!” The man yelped, clutching his rapidly bruising cheek.  

“There’s more where _that_ came from, asshole! BYE-sexual!” And with that, he grabbed his iced coffee and stormed out of the office.  

He made eye contact with Clint who was grinning at him, “how’d it go?” 

“I think I need to puke.” Bucky shuddered.  

He continued to walk, sipping on his drink, trying to brush off the day’s events when he heard the familiar voice of Natasha.  

“He’s such a fake,” she said to a group of women around her, “honestly, he’s been putting on this Bambi act, but we all know it’s _fake_ , right? He goes from being the most hated asshole on the planet to this? He’s just playing mind games, I tell you, and I’m sick of it.”  

Bucky paused at the door and continued to listen.  

“Honestly, James Barnes is one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met. He only ever got this job because of me, and I’ve had it with him,” she continued to say, twisting the knife further and further into his back, “and if he thinks he’s going to redesign Poise with me, well he’s got a big storm coming.”  

Bucky bit his lip and took a deep breath through his nose. The betrayal was incredibly painful, and he could feel the knife twisting more and more with each word she got past her lips. He shook his head. He didn’t _need_ Natasha anyway. She was a total beeyotch.  

He walked back to Clint’s desk and put his best grown-up face, “Clint, please get me a cab right now.” 

“Yessir.” 

\-- 

His plan was to go home so he could cry, but he found himself standing in front of Steve’s front door, knocking loudly, already on the verge of crying.  

Steve opened the door, dressed in an apron with paint all over it. He stared at Bucky for a second, then grinned, “Hey, Buck! Come in.”  

“No, Steve. I… I’m an awful person.”  

“What?” Steve asked, resting on the door, “what’s going on? Do you want to go back inside?”  

Bucky shook his head, tears threatening to form. He cried so much but he was so tired of everything. He wanted to go back home. Before Poise, before Natasha, before macho Steve, before his thirteenth birthday party.  

“Bucky… are you alright? Are you starting to remember things?”  

“No! No, I’m not, I, uh. I’ve been horrible to literally everyone in my life, I don’t have my mother’s phone number, I’ve been having an _affair_ with a married _man_ , apparently, and it’s just. So much to take in. I’m just… I have to go. I wanted to say bye for now.”  

“What…?”  

“I’m going to my mom’s.” Bucky sniffled, “I don’t care if she’s in Hawaii or Cairo. I’ll call you, just take care okay?”  

For once, Steve didn’t just nod and then shut the door. He reached over and pulled Bucky into a tight hug, “You’ll get through this, trust me.” 

He did trust him. 


	5. I'm Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of tears. he's 13 and very confused because of his situation. unbeta'd!

He got out of the cab and did not spare it a single glance as he stared at the building in front of him.  

He was finally home.  

Not the apartment, although home was where Steve was lately, but his actual _home_.  

It looked so aged, tired, weary, but so did he. So was everything else in this damn world.  

He walked to the plant on the windowsill that, somehow, still managed to survive seventeen years and looked through the soil.  

The key.  

He unlocked the door and when the smell hit him, he completely broke down.  

He missed his parents so much, he missed _home_ , he missed everything. 

He walked around the house, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to find his parents. They were still on their cruise apparently. He walked downstairs to the basement, feeling the memories flood him. They were barely a week old, but they happened so long ago in this reality. He stared at the foot of the stairs, remembering how he’d hugged Steve _right there_.  

A sob escaped his lips as he made his way over to the closet, opening it and peering inside.  

It was the same old, same old. He didn’t know what came over him, but he was full-on sobbing. He sat on the ground, head resting on one of the shelves, his shoulders shaking from how hard he was crying.  

“I wanna go back, just let me go back. God, I’m so sorry, just take me back.”  

He hoped it would work. He cried and cried, eventually resorting to hitting his head on the shelf, like he used to as a child.  

Over and over and over, he kept slamming his head back on, his tears still streaming down his face.  

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but his cheeks were irritated from the moisture.  

He kept hitting his head, more punishment than anything. It was all his fault; this was all his fault.  

The closet door opened, and he was so numb, he couldn’t even react. He looked up, seeing his mother’s concerned face.  

“Bucky?!” She asked, almost disbelievingly.  

He burst into tears once more, going on his knees and wrapping her in a hug, his arms circling her middle. It was like he was six again, when she was much taller and younger, and to him, always right.  

He looked up at her face, and all that stared back was a face dented with signs of old age, but smiling at him with so much love.  

“You idiot, you don’t talk to us for months and you think you can just break into our house and cry to death?” 

“Mommy, I missed you so much, oh my God, mom. Mommy, I’m _so_ sorry.”  

“Shhh…” She brushed her hands through his hair, “you’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”  

He believed her.  

\--- 

He lay in his old bed that night.  

He held his phone in his hand and rested it on his chest. He just lay there, thinking.  

He imagined his life from thirteen to thirty. It was becoming more and more possible that he, did in fact, lose his memories. He was thirty years old. There was no such thing as future and past him.  

There was him. And he, Bucky Barnes, now called James, used to be an asshole until the amnesia hit him.  

He couldn’t _believe_ that, though. Now, it was far too real. Sure, magic probably didn’t exist.  

He exhaled loudly.  

He wouldn’t think about that anymore.  

His phone buzzed and he looked at it, a smile forming slowly on his face.  

 ** _Steve: Goodnight, Bucky. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not an awful person. Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but so have all of us. Please call me so we can spend some time together. Lord knows all I keep thinking about is what crazy antic you’ll be up to next._**  

 ** _Bucky: i know this is weird 2 you but ur my best friend._**  

 ** _Steve: Not Natasha?_**  

Bucky suppressed a groan.  

 ** _Bucky:_** ** _esp_** ** _not her. Such a fake bitch. You were right ._**  

 ** _Steve: When?_**  

 ** _Bucky: my birthday. 17 years ago. i shoulda listened._**  

 ** _Steve: come on. What’s done is done. Live in the now, Bucky._**  

 ** _Bucky:_** ** _steve_** ** _if it’s not too much to ask…_**  

He bit his lip, shut his eyes and waited for the vibration. It came after a second.  

 ** _Steve: Anything._**  

 ** _Bucky: Can you come to my mom’s? Right now? I’ll pay for your fare. I just want some company_**  

 ** _Steve: On my way._**  

\--- 

Bucky was wrapped in his blanket as he walked to his front door. He opened the door to see Steve standing there, hands in his pockets, blond hair falling in front of his eyes.  

“You gonna let me in there, Buck?” 

“Yeah, come in. Just, shush, my folks are asleep.”  

“I’ve sneaked into someone’s house before, Bucky.” Steve told him gently. Although, the context was different. They were both thirty, newly acquainted and _friends_.  

Bucky crawled into his bed, leaving space for Steve who slid in.  

“Your mom, she’ll see me here.” Steve murmured.  

“So? I’m an adult. So are you.”  

“I forget. This makes me feel young again.”  

“Oh… tell me about it.” 

They lay there, side by side. It was awkward at first.  

Bucky hated awkward.  

So, he did what he had to do. He cuddled up to Steve and rested his head on Steve’s chest.  

“I’m getting comfy, deal with it.” 

“Dealt with.” Steve chuckled.  

“Good.”  

They sat in silence for a while. Bucky liked to listen to Steve’s breathing, enjoying how his head went up and down with each inhale and exhale. He traced shapes on Steve’s palm, while Steve hummed a nonsensical tune.  

“Tell me about Peggy.” Bucky murmured.  

“Peggy, well… what can I say? She’s… the love of my life.” Steve replied, his hand moving to play with Bucky’s hair. Bucky felt his stomach drop, but he didn’t know why.  

“She’s… gorgeous. You saw her. She moved here because, in her words, why the bloody hell not? She had dreams about America and she made them a reality.”  

Bucky hummed, “does she like it here?” 

“Loves it. I met her at her art store she owns. Asked her out after I became a regular. Bucky, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her. I want you to get to know her more.” 

Bucky felt something off in his gut but he ignored it, “I mean… if you’d let me.”  

“Of course. She’d heard lots about you.”  

Bucky chuckled, “good things, hopefully.”  

“Eh.”  

“Stevie!”  

They both erupted into a fit of giggles and they quickly tried to quiet down. They settled into a comfortable silence.  

Bucky had to break it, though.  

“Um, Stevie. What do you think about gay people?” 

“What do you mean?”  

“Like… is it… acceptable.” 

“’Course it is. Here, at least.” 

“What about… bisexual people?”  

“Bisexuals? Seeing as I’m one of ‘em, my opinion of them is pretty high.” Steve chuckled, still playing with Bucky’s hair.  

“Whoa… you’re bi?”  

“Yeah.”  

“Me, too. I think. I’m not sure.”  

The hair playing stopped, “what do you mean?” 

“Well… you know the affair thing, right? I told you about it? With the married man.” 

Steve sighed, “yeah.” 

“When he kissed me, I felt… gross, because he was married, you know. But I wanna kiss a guy, just to see if I’d like it.” 

Bucky couldn’t see, but Steve had risen an eyebrow, “what are you getting at?”  

Bucky sat up, looking anywhere but at Steve’s eyes, “let’s say, hypothetically, you were to kiss me—just as friends—to see if I’m not straight. Yay or nay?” 

“Uh.” 

Bucky frowned, “I don’t want to force you. I just want… want to know. Or at least, experience.”  

“Okay. Do you remember what kissing’s like?” Steve asked, sitting up. 

Bucky blushed a deep red and played with his hands, “not… not really. I’m a thirty-year-old man who can’t kiss, ain’t that weird?”  

“No, not really. Okay. Ready?” 

Bucky’s head snapped up and he stared, wide-eyed, at Steve, “just like that? You’re gonna mack me on the lips, at least get me into it!” 

“It’s just a kiss, not a ceremony.” 

“ _Fine_ , you total killjoy.” Bucky mumbled then shut his eyes, waiting.  

He felt Steve get closer, closer and closer, until he felt pressure on his lips.  

It was a small peck, barely there.  

He returned the kiss, his hand sliding over to hold Steve’s, who kissed back gently.  

They were soft kisses. Innocent, really. No tongue (French! Take him out to dinner first) and no rush.  

He felt butterflies in his stomach and a burning in his gut. The hand holding Steve’s felt like it belonged there, and his lips were so soft against Steve’s own.  

Steve kissed with experience; Bucky kissed with none.  

And he loved it.  

Eventually, after a few more seconds, Bucky pulled away. He touched his lips and smiled to himself.  

“So, what do you say?” 

“It was… nice.” 

Steve chuckled, “not the kiss! Did you figure out your experiment?”  

Bucky laughed, “I think I like kissing guys.” 

Steve grinned, “sweet. Third person I made realize their sexuality!”  

“Wait what?” 

“Story for another day, now go to bed.”  

Bucky nodded and snuggled back into Steve’s chest, who lay back down.  

 _I think I like kissing guys_ , he’d said.  

 _I think I like kissing_ you _, Steve,_ he chose not to say.  

\--- 

The next morning, he woke up slowly. His eyelids felt heavy and it was too warm in his bed. He slowly opened his eyes, looking around, discovering that he was back in his own bedroom.  

 _I’m back_ , Bucky thought. He would’ve been more excited but he was so tired and sleepy. He was finally back in his old bedroom, everything was back to normal. He felt movement next to him, and froze.  

“Ugh, this bed isn’t big enough for two.” The body next to him groaned. He turned his head just as the person sat up.  

It was Steve.  

He wasn’t back at all.  

“Can you pass me my phone; I need to text Peggy.” Steve said, gesturing at the phone on Bucky’s nightstand.  

“Yeah, sure.” Bucky mumbled and passed the phone to Steve.  

“Sleep well?” 

Bucky smiled, although it felt fake, “yeah.”  

“You finally up, boys?” A voice asked from the door.  

“Mom! Hey, uh, I can explain—” Bucky quickly said, his blood running cold. He wasn’t allowed to have people over after nine, she would kill him—wait, he was an adult.  

Luckily, she cut him off, “explain what? Come on, breakfast’s ready.” 

When his mother left, Bucky turned to Steve, “are you coming?”  

He thought Steve would say yes, but that was not the case, “no, I made plans with Peggy this morning. You talk to your parents, alright?”  

Bucky nodded and watched as Steve gathered his things, gave him a forehead kiss, and left as well.  

\--- 

When Bucky walked into the kitchen, his parents were already done their food and were drinking their morning coffees. His dad smiled at him warmly, “hiya, sport,” which made him think of Clint.  

“Hey, Dad. How was your cruise, I never asked?” 

His father shrugged, “oh, it was alright. We had a lot of fun, didn’t we, Winnie?”  

“Oh, yeah, James, you would’ve loved it!”  

“How’s Rebecca?” He asked, stirring some sugar into his coffee. He took a sip as he waited for his mother’s reply.  

His mother chuckled, “with the baby.”  

He choked on his coffee, “baby?” 

His mother laughed, “so, Steve was serious.”  

“What about?” He asked, looking up at her then back at his father, who pressed his lips into a hard line.  

“The stress, the drinking, the drugs, look what it’s done to you.”  

The way she chastised him was upsetting to him. If only they knew what had actually happened.  

“I’m sorry… no use to lecture me now, huh?” He asked, although the joke was unsuccessful and received no laughs. His mother only gave him a look, then turned to his father, “would you mind excusing us for a few minutes, Georgie?” 

His father nodded and left the two alone.  

Bucky looked at his mom and smiled half-heartedly.  

“So… you and Steve Rogers, huh?” She asked, giving him a look. He furrowed his eyebrows, “yeah.” 

“I don’t know, I just remember a certain someone telling me that Steve was no longer allowed at our house, that he was a snake and hmm, what else was it… Oh, right, an awful friend.” His mother said, pouring some more coffee into her cup.  

“I… I said all that? But, I love Stevie.” Bucky mumbled, head in his hands, “why did I say that?”  

“Something about a girl. You never told me, he never showed up again but he still stayed civil with me. What happened?”  

“He’s my best friend, I had to reach out to him, you know? He’s the only one that’s helped me?”  

She nodded and then stirred her coffee, “Rebecca literally lives down the street from you, by the way.”  

“Oh, I… I didn’t know. My mind went to Steve.”  

She smiled at him, “I’ll admit something. I never liked Steve, at least when you were kids.”  

Bucky frowned, feeling incredibly hurt, “what? Why? Steve has done nothing wrong in his life, why would you say that?” 

“Yeah, exactly,” she continued, “you two were close. I was scared something would… happen.” 

His mouth opened in surprise, “what!”  

“Yeah, but look, I was just… worried. Didn’t know how to handle it, my mom wasn’t helping me whenever she visited and saw you two, and admittedly, I listened to her. But I see you, now, and I think as hard as I tried before, I couldn’t stop the… feelings developing.” 

“Mom, are you high?” Bucky blurted out.  

“Excuse me?” She snapped, glaring at him. 

“I don’t like Stevie like _that_ , jeez, mom, people can be _friends_. He’s engaged, and besides, even if I did like him like that, I hurt him too much. I thought you were accepting.” Bucky said, the hurt evident in his voice.   

“I am! I am, I had to unlearn a lot of things. But, Bucky, I saw you last night. The both of you.” 

He blushed intensely, “that was nothing.” 

She raised an eyebrow.  

“Mom… do you think things happens for a reason?”  

She thought about it, “depends on the situation. What do you mean?” 

“Do you believe in fate?”  

She smiled, “I think so. It was fate that brought me and your father together, that made me have you and Rebecca, that made you come here right now after years of trying to cut contact.” 

He took a deep breath, “okay.” 

“If fate’s knocking on your door, you better open it. Now, Rebecca’s coming over with the baby, do you wanna stay till then?” 

He beamed, “yes.”  


	6. Photoshoots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nat's quite shitty in this story but I actually really love her in canon. Unbeta'd! Posted again because I haven't updated in a while.

Bucky was psyched for the day. 

After leaving his parent’s home with promises of calling and visits, he made his way over to the office to get started on his redesign.  

After gathering everything and trying to avoid everyone, he stood in the elevator ready to leave when Natasha rushed in after him.  

“Oh, hey, James, haven’t seen you in a while.” Natasha smiled at him and pressed the ground floor button. He felt pure, hot rage but instead, he chose to smile at her.  

“Hey, Natasha.”  

He watched as the floor numbers decreased, pointedly ignoring her.  

“Oh, by the way, I _really_ hope you don’t mind but I kind of got started on my own thing.” She said as they reached the ground level. 

He turned to her with a smirk, “oh, good. Because I’m doing the same thing. Bye, now.”  

He stalked out of the elevator, because it would’ve been cooler if he left first, and muttered under his breath, “snake.” 

He felt victorious. 

\--- 

 ** _Bucky: hey meet me at the park by your house, in 2 mins._**  

 ** _Steve: Why??_**  

 ** _Bucky: just MEET ME THERE I’ll explain then I got u coffee_**  

 ** _Steve: What did you do?_**  

 ** _Bucky: NOTHING!_**  

\-- 

He sat on the park bench, holding a tray with a coffee cup from Dunkin’ Donuts and cookies. He sipped from his own cup, loving the hazelnut coffee and wishing that if he did go back, his mom would let him have some.  

He people-watched while waiting for Steve. It was so weird how phones and earphones were so commonplace, but he didn’t necessarily hate it. If he went back, he’d miss his iPhone more than anything.  

He glanced at his phone for the time being, only to jump when a voice said, “man, you’re addicted to that thing.”  

He looked up to see Steve smiling at him, and it made his insides flutter. His blond hair was falling in his blue eyes, and he was wearing a really nice blue button-up and his smile was so beautiful.  

He brushed those feelings away and retorted, “I am not addicted, kay? I was just checking my phone.” 

“Mhmm.” 

He stood up, passed the tray to Steve and took a deep breath, “I’m hiring you.”  

Steve raised his eyebrows and took a sip from his drink, as if Bucky was just spewing nonsense, “mhmm.”  

“Well, Poise is hiring you.” Bucky smiled, then took out an envelope from his blazer’s inside pocket.  

Steve raised an eyebrow, again, which Bucky found kind of endearing, and put the coffee cup on the bench. He opened the envelope, only to choke on his own spit, “wait, what, you weren’t joking?!”  

“No? Why would I joke about that! Seriously, this is the first half. The second half you get after.”  

Steve looked like Christmas came early, “wait, there’s more money?”  

“Yeah. Come on, you in?” 

“Bucky, I… I can’t accept this.” 

“Bullcrap, you’re not getting it for free, you’re getting it because you’re working for me. Well, Poise. Now, come on, what do you say?”  

Steve grinned at Bucky, “uh, okay. Yeah, sure.” 

“Good.” Bucky replied, “Now, let’s go for a walk, I’m dying to tell you about Natasha.” 

He grabbed their stuff, linked his arm with Steve’s, and started to walk, missing Steve’s soft grin.    

\-- 

Their photoshoots were highly successful. Having minored in photography, Steve knew what he was doing for these  projects. Bucky enjoyed their time together, and they got to spend way more time together than before.  

Steve would take photographs and look up to see Bucky smiling at him so wide, Bucky knew it hurt. But it was worth it. For two weeks straight, Steve was the first person he saw and the last person he spoke to. It came to a point where Steve would just crash at his place, and Bucky loved the domesticity of it.  

As the days went on, Bucky found himself getting more attached to Steve. He found himself making coffee for the both of them in the morning, even on days where Steve was at his own place. He found himself searching for Steve every time he got to the shoot, only to smile at him and get to work. At night, he waited for Steve to either send him a text or call.  

These feelings he was experiencing were weird. He felt like they were too mature for him, that his thirteen-year-old self couldn’t comprehend, but deep down, he felt like this was natural.  

As the days went on, the more ‘I love you’s slipped out, the more they cuddled while watching late night TV, the more Steve started to spend upwards to an hour on the phone with Peggy, trying to reason that he was swamped with work.  

And Bucky watched all this. He watched as Steve pleaded, as he worked diligently, as he initiated hugs and handholding, as he gave Bucky trinkets and favourite drinks, and he lived for those moments.  

\-- 

It was the last day of the shoot.  

The both of them walked through the park, Steve telling Bucky all about art school and how wild of a time it was. Bucky kept laughing at Steve’s awkward antics, which were so like him. He didn’t realize it, but their arms were intertwined but it was so natural. 

Surely, best friends did this, didn’t they? 

“You know what I want?” Bucky said, putting his thinking-face on. 

“What?” Steve asked, laughing at Bucky’s expression. 

“Warheads.” 

“Warheads?” Steve questioned, eyebrows shooting upwards.  

“Warheads! They were so—” 

“Awful?” Steve asked, wincing. 

“Fun! Come on, let’s go, please? We can have a competition to see who can have the most Warheads.” Bucky grinned.  

“Can I pass?”  

“No!”  

“Fine.” 

\-- 

They had acquired the Warheads and were now back in the park. Bucky sat on a swing, with the bag in hand. He opened it then passed a Warhead to Steve who was sitting on an adjacent swing.  

Steve sighed and opened the packaging, “I’m gonna regret this.”  

He put the sour candy in his mouth and immediately winced, making Bucky laugh uproariously, “your face! That was _hilarious!”_  

“You’re such a sadist.” 

Bucky cocked his head to the side, “what does that mean?” 

“Nothing, just eat the damn candy.” Steve chuckled and watched as Bucky ate a lemon one, immediately going, “bleugh!” 

“You wasted good money on these tiny gremlins,” Steve stated.  

“Frick you, they’re good. Come on, let’s see who swings highest,” Bucky said then kicked off, trying to swing higher than Steve.  

“Oh, you’re on!”  

Steve immediately followed. The both swung, trying to beat the other, until Steve decided to jump. He fell into a bundle on the dirt, laughing loudly, “can you beat that?” 

Bucky took a deep breath and then jumped off the swing, but miscalculated and ended up falling partly on Steve, who _oomphed_! Bucky felt anxious and checked over Steve to see if he was okay, who just took one look at Bucky’s face and laughed like this was the funniest thing in the world.  

Bucky joined in on the laughter, collapsing on the ground next to Steve.  

He looked at Steve, who was still chuckling to himself. His eyes were closed and his mouth was stretched into a large, toothy grin. Bucky reached over and touched his soft blond hair, which made Steve turn his head to look at Bucky, still grinning.  

Bucky wanted to kiss Steve at that moment.  

Oh, did he want to. He stared at Steve’s pink lips and smiled softly.  

But, he knew he couldn’t. He was falling in love with this man (yes, falling in love, he’d talked to his mother and she told him that what he was feeling was totally normal, blah, blah, blah), but Steve was, well, engaged. He was engaged to someone who loved him and who he loved back. He couldn’t do that even if it hurt him.  

“What’re you thinking about?” Steve asked, staring right into Bucky’s eyes.  

Bucky gave him a small smile and whispered, “nothing.” 

He reached over and gave Steve a soft kiss on the cheek. 


	7. Presentations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd! For Bucky's presentation, it's still mostly based off of Jenna's presentation, same with Natasha's. Also, this story is from Bucky's POV only so anything that happened in the movie when Jenna wasn't there, we only see Bucky'a reaction to the same event.

It was time for his presentation, and Bucky was near hyperventilation.  

He sat at the long table, fiddling with the cool waistcoat that Steve told him he looked good in, and waited for Natasha to present.  

Needless to say, he was _not_ impressed. By the looks of it, Tony was ready to hand in his resignation.  

Natasha had walked in, dressed in black, and glaring at the audience, “it’s time to bring back _killer_ fashion. Looks that _murder_ you. Looks that _kill_.”  

He’d stared as she prattled on and on about seriously weird fashion choices, only for her to end her presentation with a smirk and a proclamation of “heroin chic!”  

Tony had approached him after, dabbing at his forehead with a handkerchief, “please, tell me your presentation is good.”  

“Hopefully you’ll like it,” Bucky said with a cheeky grin, that made Tony groan and walk away. When he came back, Bucky could swear he smelled scotch on his breath.  

Clint had walked in and helped him with assembling his presentation. The older man stood near the exit, flashing Bucky a smile trying to get him to be more confident.  

Bucky smiled back, took a deep breath and started.  

“So, I just wanted to start off with a question. What do you guys see?” He asked, gesturing to the collage behind him of models.  

“Models.” Gary said, looking kind of bored.  

Bucky didn’t let that phase him. He continued, “yeah. Models. Models that all look the same. One uniform body type, skin colour, look, but… I don’t want to see that anymore. I don’t want to open up a magazine and have it stare back at me with the same women who I don’t even recognize. I want to see…” He turned around and flipped the boards, smiling at his audience when he turned back, “these people. People I know. People I _recognize_. People of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexualities, genders, you name it. I want to see my neighbors, my relatives, my friends, the florist down the street or the barista that makes my morning coffee. More importantly, I wanna see women I recognize. So other women can look up to them and say, hey, you know what? I don’t need to be a stick-thin model, because I look exactly like these women do. And isn’t that what matters in the end? Life. Diversity. Let’s put that in the magazine, instead of hardcoreness and the like. Because, if we stay too wrapped up with attaining perfection, we’ll never realize that perfection is what we already have.” 

He let out a breath and watched the people in front of him.  

“Please don’t fire me,” he mumbled.  

Apparently, Tony heard him. 

“Fire you?! I’m not firing you for shit, come here!” He stood up and started to clap, making Bucky blush. Everyone else started to clap, which made him overjoyed.  

He rushed over to Bucky and wrapped him in a hug, “fucking hell, who’s the photographer?!” 

Bucky smiled, “Steve Rogers.” 

“A beautiful man, honestly.”  

Bucky looked back at the crowd, seeing Clint flash him a thumbs up. He tried looking for Natasha but she was nowhere to be found.  

He ignored that and continued to be praised by Tony, which was so out of character for the man, he just took it.  

\--- 

Later, after going for drinks with Clint, he made his way to his office, feeling great. He’d gotten his boss’s approval, he’d made money and Steve even _more_ money, and… oh, no.  

When he walked in, he saw Natasha sitting at his desk, glaring at him.  

“Oh, hey, Natasha.” 

“Hey, _James_ , nice to see you here. Tell me, when are you gonna tell your buddy, Sparkle?”  

“Excuse me?” He asked, looking at her incredulously.  

“Oh, take that Bambi-just-saw-my-mom-get-shot-in-front-of-me look and shove it up your ass! Amnesia? You fucking _liar_. You’ve been telling Sparkle all our shit.” 

Bucky stared at her, his heartbeat accelerating. He stared at the envelopes in her hands, “N-Natasha, what are you talking about? Were you looking through my stuff? That’s private!” 

“Tough shit!” She barked then laughed, “you fooled everyone here, you know. But don’t worry. I’ve been made Chief Executive at Sparkle.”  

“What are you talking about?” 

“Your little cutsie idea? Sold it.” She smirked and walked around him, headed to the door. 

“But, how? You don’t even have the rights—” She cut him off.  

“Your _Stevie_ signed the papers. You lost, James Barnes.”  

Bucky’s heartbeat accelerated even more, his palms got sweaty and he immediately started to worry about whatever she said to Steve.  

“What did you tell him?!”  

“Oh, that we don’t need them anymore. Asked him to sign so we can use it for a catalogue or something,” she walked to the door only to pause and give him one last withering look, “good luck staying at this dump, _Bambi._ ”  

With that, she slammed the door, leaving him hurt and dumbfounded.

\-- 

He didn’t know how, but he ran straight to Steve’s apartment which was a good twenty minutes away. He unlocked the building door, thanks to a key Steve gave him, and ran the few flights up to Steve’s apartment door. 

He knocked on the door loudly, waiting for an answer.  

He was about to knock again when Peggy opened the door, looking at him curiously, “oh, hey, Bucky. Steve’s not in at the moment.” 

“W-Where is he?” he panted, trying to catch his breath.  

“He’s getting his tux.” Peggy replied, smiling wistfully. 

“His tux? For what?”  

She stared at him peculiarly, “for the wedding? It’s tomorrow, you know. Did he not tell you?”  

Something in him broke. He took a deep breath, though he didn’t know if it was for the hurt in his heart or from the running, and exhaled, looking at the ceiling, “no. No, he didn’t.” 

“Oh, well it was very last minute,” she smiled, her red lips very striking against her pale complexion, “we’re moving for a few months because I managed to open up a new branch. I won’t bother you, though, he’d ought to tell you. I’ll tell him you stopped by, though!”  

He looked at her and smiled, though it felt very fake, “yes. Thank you, Peggy. I’ll see you, um, tomorrow.”  

She closed the door and he immediately grabbed at his hair, chest heaving.  


	8. Weddings and Endings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadly, the end of this story. however there is an epilogue. Unbeta'd!

He didn’t know why he went. 

He didn’t know why he put himself through this. It was the final nail in the coffin for him, but he did things he didn't understand. That was how he found himself going to Steve's wedding. His  _wedding_. 

He managed to evade family members and invitees, and walked through the house and stopped outside the door of the room that Steve was changing in. It was nice that he was having a wedding in his fiancee’s backyard. It was so… Steve. It was intimate, modest, and so very like him. 

He bit his lip and knocked, hearing Steve’s voice say, “come in.”  

After a moment's hesitation, he walked in, looking at Steve, apprehensive. He was in a simple tux that just made him look even more handsome, if that was even possible. His blond hair was styled back, allowing Bucky to see his eyes which were, sadly, shocked. Bucky felt an ache in his heart just looking at him.  

“Oh, Bucky… you’re here...” 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out from Peggy?” Bucky asked, immediately, cutting Steve off. He tried to mask how hurt he felt but he couldn’t. His brows were furrowed, his lips were pinched into a frown, and he felt an ache in his throat. 

“I… What Natasha told me—” 

“Wasn’t true! None of it was true. Steve, you have to listen to me, you can’t be mad at me, please.” Bucky begged, walking over and holding Steve’s hands in his, looking right into Steve's eyes with pleading ones. 

“Bucky, I know. I didn't believe her, I can't believe her. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It just… hurts. This whole situation _hurts_.” 

Bucky was confused, “what?” 

How could it hurt? It didn't make sense to him. Telling him something big like this should've been easy for Steve; didn't he know Bucky would be happy for him? That even though it tore him up, he'd still be there by his side? He could imagine it, that even though it stung like a thousand needles, if Steve had told him, he would be there. He'd be there in a tux, rather than the casual, awkward outfit he was in. 

Steve managed to surprised him. 

Steve chuckled, although it sounded strained, and looked away. He took a deep breath, then spoke, “Bucky... I'm not gonna lie to you. I… I swear, there were some moments when you looked at me, and I  _knew_. I had feelings, but those feelings can't happen."

Bucky felt such an intangible emotion, in which he felt like his spirits were lifted but crushed in a single nanosecond. 

“No, Steve, I… I love you, Steve Rogers. I wish I realized this before. I’m in _love_ with you,” Bucky let it out in such a rush. His hands immediately cupped Steve’s face, “you’ve been the only constant since the amnesia, I _need_ you, Stevie. I can’t ask you to not get married, but are you even ready? I thought maybe, eventually, it'd be me and you.” 

Steve took a deep breath, “I can’t abandon Peggy. Not like this. We’re grown ups, Bucky, and sometimes what's right hurts and has to be done. You have to learn that. I chose Peggy.”  

Bucky took a deep breath and his throat hurt a lot, which made speaking so difficult. 

"If I'd shown up earlier, would things have been different? Would you have... loved me?" Bucky asked, voice cracking. He held Steve's hands and looked down at their interlocking hands. It felt like this would be the last time. He tried to memorize the scenery, how Steve's hands felt in his, how broken he felt. 

“I’ve always loved you, Bucky. Ever since I was twelve, for fuck’s sake. But sometimes, you don’t get the guy. Or in your case, the knight in shining armour, because he’s already got someone else. And you move on. I've moved on." 

Bucky didn’t answer. He smiled at Steve, who smiled sadly back. He nodded once and let go of Steve's hands, and it took every ounce of strength to not kiss him, or hug him, or go on his knees and beg. He refused. He just smiled at the ground, trying to psych himself up to leave. 

"I'm so sorry, Bucky." Steve sighed.

Bucky shrugged, "it's okay. Congratulations. You look really good, by the way. I'll... see you."

He turned around to leave, wanting to get out of the room as fast as possible, only for Steve to call after him, "Bucky, wait!"

Bucky halted and then turned around, trying to calm his breathing, "yeah?"

"I have something for you." Steve walked to a bag and opened it, rummaging through its contents until he took out a rectangular object. 

“I was gonna give this to you... after. I wanted to give it to you.” 

He passed it over to Bucky who stared at it with wide eyes.  

The drawing, from seventeen years ago, only yellowed and aged. It was in the exact same frame, which was obviously damaged from the tantrum he had so long ago. And to think that in his mind it hadn't been a week. 

“I kept it, you know," Steve grinned, "Now, I’m glad you can finally keep it. I guess it's your turn, now." 

“You know, Steve, you’re the best guy I’ve ever met.” Bucky confessed, voice slightly cracking to his horror. It hurt to speak and he just wanted to go home before he did anything stupid.

Steve smiled, “kinda makes me wish we can turn back time." 

Bucky laughed (or cried, it was a confusing laugh), “you have no idea. I’ll go, now. Don’t want to ruin your special day.” 

Steve nodded and watched as Bucky left, the latter feeling like his heart got stomped on.  

He couldn't help it, though. He stopped by the door, turned back and confessed once more, "I love you, Stevie."

"I love you, too, Bucky."

He shut the door behind him, hugging the frame close to him as he exited the house. The aching in his throat and the prickling in his eyes intensified when he saw Peggy with her family in the backyard.

She was so beautiful.

He tore his eyes away from the scene and continued to walk home, feeling incredibly drained.  

\-- 

When he reached his apartment, he kicked off his shoes and made his way to his bed. He could already feel the depression kicking in and all he wanted was to sleep for thousands of years.  

He lay on his bed, fully clothed, hugging the frame close to him. He couldn't find it in himself to cry. He only turned off his phone, then fell asleep, thinking of better days. Days of youth, irresponsibility, lack of heartache. Of days with thirteen-year-old Steve Rogers.  

And like that, he fell asleep.  

\-- 

When he came to, he was sitting and leaning against something and his eyes were covered by some sort of cloth. He heard someone enter wherever he was and a familiar voice say, “Y-you have?” 

He sat up, took off his blindfold, and stared at a thirteen-year-old Steve.  

Overcome with shock, love, and longing, he immediately stood up, yelled Steve’s name and wrapped him in a tight hug, knocking him to the ground. Steve;s words of being in love with him since he was twelve rushed in his mind, and out of pure love and need, he touched Steve's face and whispered, "is it cool if I kiss you?"

Steve was dumbfounded, looking like he couldn't believe his ears. Bucky stifled a laugh, waiting for the soft mumble of assurance, then he kissed Steve gently. 

After a few seconds, he let go, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. Underneath him, Steve looked up at him in awe. He touched his lips and smiled, “what was that for?” 

“I _like_ you, ya dingus! Now, come on, let’s go marathon Star Wars!” He yelled, standing up and pulling Steve up with him. Steve stared at him, “aren’t you upset? Everyone left—Natasha left, too!” 

“Screw ‘em! You coming or not?” 

Steve’s response was a full-blown grin, "wait, since did you like boys?"

Bucky grinned back, "since I knew you. Now, come on!"

They left the closet and headed upstairs, only to see Natasha coming back down.  

“I forgot my scarf,” she said with a smile that was so _obviously_ fake.  

Bucky glared at her, grabbed the report he wrote for her from her hands, tore it in two while she exclaimed, “hey!” 

He ignored Steve’s awed look and continued to glare at Natasha, “get out of my house, you snake!”  

He grabbed Steve’s hand and continued to climb up the stairs, leaving a dumbfounded and offended Natasha to find her way out. 

He was going to be different this time. 

He didn't know how kissing Steve would affect his timeline, but at that moment he couldn't care less. He ignored Natasha huffy exit then sat down on the couch next to Steve, smiling at the boy with so much love.

To his surprise, Future-Steve wasn't lying, because Present-Steve stared at him back with the same look, which made his heart ache. 

"Promise that we won't let anything stupid get in between us?" Bucky asked, holding his pinky up. 

Steve laughed, "uh, okay. Sure, I promise. Any reason you makin' us do this?" 

They pinky swore and Bucky shook his head with a small smile, "no reason. No reason at all." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading, commenting, leaving kudos and being swell readers! the epilogue will be posted shortly.


	9. Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short and i'm sorry about that. Thank you for reading!!!!

“So, Mr. Rogers, I’ll see you later tonight, off to work with Peggy!” Steve called out to Bucky from the kitchen, packing a small lunch. 

Bucky laughed from his place in the living room, “I told you, buddy, I ain’t taking your last name.” 

“And I ain’t taking yours! I’ll miss you,” Steve said as he walked up to Bucky, bending down so he could place a soft kiss on his lips. 

Bucky smiled up at him then went back to work on his laptop, trying to finish up his article. 

“Don’t miss me too much. Can you get coffee on your way back?” 

“Okay, don’t work for too long! We're still going out tonight, don't forget.” Steve reminded him as he walked to the main entrance. 

“Nah, Tony didn’t give me too many deadlines. And don't worry, I will certainly not forget! I love you.” He called out as he watched Steve put on his shoes.  

“Alright, adios! Love you!”  

Bucky watched as Steve left their apartment and he smiled to himself.  

He turned to look at the framed drawing of the two of them, from seventeen years ago, proudly displayed on an end table, and sighed happily.  

He was thirty, flirty, and thriving, while also happily married to the love of his life.  

\---

 ** _Bucky:_** ** _pokemon_** ** _go tonight while we're out?_**  

**_Steve: You’re an adult. And we're going on a DATE!_ **

**_Bucky: so? i wanna catch som gotdam pikachus. Suck my dick_** ** _bink_**  

 ** _Steve: already have!_**  

 ** _Bucky: you’re SO GROSS! but Ily still for sum reason_**  

**_Steve: Wow, thanks._ **

\---

Bucky grinned at his phone, forcing himself to put it back down, to stop texting Steve so then he can get back to work.

The conversations they shared were so much like the world he lived in. The one week he tried so hard to repress, and wouldn't dare tell anyone about, because who would believe him? Many times he found himself comparing his life to that, but he always felt like he had it better now. Sure, he didn’t have a penthouse, or a girlfriend, but he still worked for Poise, his dream magazine, married his dream guy, had amazing friends and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the entire world.  

His phone beeped and he checked it, smiling when he saw it was  _him_. 

 ** _Steve: I love you._**  

No. Nothing at all.   

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW!!! Thank you all for reading!! This was SUCH A FUN FIC TO WRITE! I just wrote it for fun and it was a place to escape. I really hope you guys liked the story. I think my favourite part of the entire story is the scene with the cha cha slide, because Drunk 13 Going on 30 AU Bucky is for some reason incredibly hilarious to me. 
> 
> Thanks again guys. Catch u later.


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